I don’t care who started it

“Both of you, time-out. I don’t care who started it.”

Saying you don’t care who started it tells me you don’t care about my personal actions. I can do wrong and get away with it because you’ll punish both me and my victim, which is to my advantage because my victim gets punished first by me and then by you. My victim will soon learn he’s better off shutting up and being bullied in silence. You, misguided parent, perpetuate a cycle of violence.

My paragraph response above started out as a tongue-in-cheek reply in a web forum discussion, but now I’m starting to wonder if it’s true.

Comments

2 Responses to “I don’t care who started it”

  1. Miriam says:

    As with all things, I think this depends on the situation. Should you walk into the room and find two capable individuals yelling/screaming at each other, or hitting/pushing one another, then they should both be put in time-out. The message being that even if you don’t start it, retaliation is not acceptable. The discussion shoud be what the wronged individual does to get out of that situation without perpetuating violence – talk to the parent, decide not to play a game with the other kid if they are going to be mean, etc.

    March 9th, 2011 at 1:52 pm

  2. Bev says:

    My kids have NEVER let me forget that I once put all the boys in time out until one of them confessed to playing with matches but Jeri was not because “Jeri knows better.”

    Walt and his brother all of their life argued about Walt’s punishment for carving Norm’s name into the wood of a headboard because “Norm wouldn’t be stupid enough to carve his own name.” Guess who carved it. Right. Norm.

    Doesn’t matter what you do in situations like this–the kids will make you feel guilty about it for the rest of their lives (Walt is 71, Norm is 68)

    March 17th, 2011 at 2:41 pm

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