Thursday, February 3rd, 2011
Cesarian Sections Sexy Again, Oh Yeah!
As my regular readers know, I’m all about c-sections. I can’t get enough of ‘em. Boy, how I love me a good c-section.
Or at least that’s my dream, right after I replace this pesky penis with a vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries and labia. Okay, maybe I don’t need labia, but a girl wants to look good, right?
Oh jeez, did I mention this blog was mentioned in a local news publication this week and some local folks will invariably look to see what’s here? Umm, okay, yeah, I’m a married heterosexual male, but that doesn’t play well when talking up underwear designed for women who just had a cesarean section.
Yeah, I think labia was the one. I just lost half my audience. No labia jokes. Come back in a few days when I’ll be discussing wholesome children’s books featuring female role models for my daughter.
Anyway… I could explain about how badass Julius Cesar was, being the first emperor to be cut from his mother’s belly, but that’s just a myth surrounding the etymology of the term. I like to think ‘cesarean’ refers to the repeated knife jabs he endured during his assassination on the floor of the Roman senate. Et tu, obstetrician?
But I digress.
Czela Bellies (pronounced chel-ah bellies) are specifically designed for recent c-section patients. They are made from ‘comfy stretch fabric,’ with padding in your ‘ouch area’ so you can resume wearing your normal clothing as soon as possible.
They’re a poly/spandex blend with cotton poly chenille lining and a cotton insert. They retail for $25 to $35, depending on whether you want the lowly sherbert floral or the more exotic spicy Moroccan paisley panty prints. There are 10 designs in total.
Red is an awesome color choice for the pad covering a surgical scar, by the way.
One report cites the inspiration for c-section panties being the inventor’s disgust at wearing “granny panties” after her own c-section. That’s why she designed boy-short-style undies in sexy prints. You don’t want to turn off the father of your baby by wearing gross grandma underpants. You draw him in and sex it up with a sassy cheetah print while concurrently experiencing excruciating abdominal pain from a healing surgical incision.