A new look on classic children’s books

As told by a fictionalized Werner Herzog (a famous German film director):

Madeline:

Madeline is a little girl at a girls-only French boarding school run by nuns. She develops appendicitis and gets rushed to the hospital, leading to this gem:

The girls eagerly enter Madeline’s room,
Curious for what medical horrors they might see,
But there are no horrors, only delights.
Gifts from a far away father,
Retail approximations of affections
That will never replace an authentic father-daughter relationship.

Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel:

The author encourages her readers to visit
the new town hall in Popperville
But the story was copyrighted in 1939.
The town hall would now be far from new,
And Mike Mulligan is almost certainly dead.
A once proud man, he spends the ends of his days in darkness,
Living in a cellar doing menial work,
Surrounded by his guilt and Maryanne’s twisted, deformed remains.

Curious George:

Ahh yes, the telephone… meant to bridge great distances
What has it actually done but make us more lonesome?
Nevertheless, George is seduced by the ostensible ease of the nefarious device.
Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
George had telephoned the fire station.
They thought it was a real fire.
“NO FIRE!” Exclaims the fire chief, “only a naughty little monkey.”
Angered, the firemen take action.
In short order, a monkey has bested seven adult men.
This should give you a dim view of human potential.

Comments

4 Responses to “A new look on classic children’s books”

  1. Allison says:

    LOL, those are great.

    We had this collection of Curious George stories that we have ended up getting rid of because my husband I couldn’t stand it. As if the whole kidnapping him from his home at the start and flinging him into a world of humans without much guidance only to repeatedly get into trouble because he is a _monkey_ isn’t bad enough there was actually a story later where George after getting into trouble felt so bad he “wished he was dead” o_0

    March 2nd, 2010 at 10:57 am

  2. Kaely says:

    Someone gave us a Curious George book and I promptly gave it away. I hated reading it.

    And why doesn’t he have a tail, if he’s a monkey?

    March 2nd, 2010 at 4:30 pm

  3. observer says:

    thats too bad. those books are the best children’s books around. i still like to read them, and i will keep them in my home for any child i might have in the future. they are clean and well written.

    March 3rd, 2010 at 5:17 pm

  4. Elizabeth W. says:

    These videos would be interesting if read by a regular person, but when read by that German guy they are freaking hilarious (in a dark and twisty way).

    March 4th, 2010 at 2:23 pm