Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010
A new look on classic children’s books
As told by a fictionalized Werner Herzog (a famous German film director):
Madeline is a little girl at a girls-only French boarding school run by nuns. She develops appendicitis and gets rushed to the hospital, leading to this gem:
The girls eagerly enter Madeline’s room,
Curious for what medical horrors they might see,
But there are no horrors, only delights.
Gifts from a far away father,
Retail approximations of affections
That will never replace an authentic father-daughter relationship.
Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel:
The author encourages her readers to visit
the new town hall in Popperville
But the story was copyrighted in 1939.
The town hall would now be far from new,
And Mike Mulligan is almost certainly dead.
A once proud man, he spends the ends of his days in darkness,
Living in a cellar doing menial work,
Surrounded by his guilt and Maryanne’s twisted, deformed remains.
Ahh yes, the telephone… meant to bridge great distances
What has it actually done but make us more lonesome?
Nevertheless, George is seduced by the ostensible ease of the nefarious device.
George had telephoned the fire station.
They thought it was a real fire.
“NO FIRE!” Exclaims the fire chief, “only a naughty little monkey.”
Angered, the firemen take action.
In short order, a monkey has bested seven adult men.
This should give you a dim view of human potential.