Friday, November 20th, 2009
A winter family tradition: Ogre Socks
I remember Christmas when my 4-year-old daughter asking, after opening her gifts, “Is that all?”
I had held true to the quaint, historically accurate idea that Santa only gives gifts that fit into a Christmas stocking. All of the wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree were from family members. It was an interesting challenge to find gifts to fit into a standard Chinese-manufactured stocking. And, of course, the charm was completely lost on my 4-year-old.
That is one reason I’m uneasy with the Santa myth.
A second issue is that we don’t have the traditional fireplace that I did growing up. Santa would have to be, at most, 8 inches wide and 12 inches tall. The myth has serious problems with today’ reality.
Santa is simply not the guy I grew up with if he has turn himself from a solid into a gaseous state and then rematerialize on our family room floor in order to deliver presents. And there’s the whole problem of Santa’s toys looking exactly like the ones sold in stores. That wasn’t so much a problem 100 years ago with handmade toys.
I realize I’ve only been at this a few years, but I’m really tired of covering for the guy.
The Winter Ogre
I’m thinking of telling my daughter the tale of the evil ogre giant who comes out of the woods every winter to steal supplies from homes in our town to take back to his cave. But this ogre’s heart isn’t completely cold. He can be swayed, even appeased, with gifts. Accordingly, we hang 60-inch stockings on our wall for the month of December. When the ogre visits, his heart will melt at the gesture of our giving him ogre-sized socks to wear. And in his favorite color — red — no less! He will leave our home alone and give us some of the wonderful toys he has stolen from the other homes in our town.
Sounds good to me.
What? It’s not? Do better. There’s a comment form below.
For everyone else ready to make the switch, here are some links to buy ogre socks:
- 36-inch patchwork sock — the cutest option.
- 3-pack economy option — a trio of 45-inch socks for just $12.
- The 60-inch sock show in the photo above or a plusher option for a few dollars more
- 8-foot sock pre-filled with toys — this is the most mythologically accurate sock. It comes pre-filled with toys, many of which are probably not age-appropriate or even appealing to your kids, but really what do you expect from an ogre’s stolen loot? The sock only costs $190.
Update: A few minutes after writing this article, I received a news release about a new children’s Christmas story. Otis the Reindeer is an alternative to the evil Rudolph myth to counteract the horrible example of Rudolph striving to be like everyone else.
I quote from the news release:
“Otis, upset about Rudolph’s popularity and leadership role with Santa, attempts to fly better than Rudolph so he can take over his job. After trying to fly by jumping off a mound of snow on his motorcycle, Otis discovers he’s become popular with his own special talent: extreme motocross.”
Yeah, a December ogre doesn’t sound so strange now, does it? I welcome your alternate Christmas myths that better fit modern society.