Thursday, August 20th, 2009
Automated Robot Crib Rocker Deathmatch
In the left corner we have British-made Easidream, a baby sleep aid soothing system that “helps ease the transition from womb to world.”
It’s a slim ventilated pneumatic platform you slip under your crib mattress that rocks your baby from head-to-toe or from side-to-side. Air tubing connects the platform to a control unit through which you set a 45-minute timer and two speed settings. The faster speed works “in time with mum’s resting heartbeat” and the slower setting is for weening your Easidream-addicted baby off its succulent robot mother at some unspecified date in the future.
Sorry, the company’s position is that “it is highly unlikely that your baby will become hooked on the soothing system.”
Easidream would not be complete without a plush sheep that straps to the crib railing, playing one of four soothing heartbeat sound combinations. Meanwhile, the sheep glows a warm pink for 20 minutes, just like the bioluminescent uterus your baby enjoyed before you ejected him from your womb.
All this can be yours for £249 ($354 US), coming soon to a gadget-crazy North American country near you.
In the right corner we have the Aussie-made Lullabub Cot Rocker, essentially stilts for your baby crib that “gently create motion automatically in a harmonic rhythm to naturally soothe and settle babies to sleep.”
Lullabub is comprised of four fancy cup-looking thingies that elevate the crib and rock it, with independent suspension, on a timer. The first simulated motion recreates the tranquility of a mother’s womb before the bright light and the squeezing and the screaming, and oh God, all the screaming, stop squeezing my brain! The device can also simulate a mother’s heartbeat, driving in a car to Burger King and drifting aimlessly like an old man on the sea.
In lieu of an plush uterus sheep, Lullabub gives you a remote control and a night light to ward off dingos. All this can be yours for only $199 US. Alternately, rent one for $1.10 AUD per day plus plane fare to and from Australia to pick up and return the Lullabub. (It’s a small price to pay for sleepy bliss, isn’t it? Plus your kid will sleep both ways on the plane.)
What say you Thinga-readers? Which of these amazing crib assistance devices will crush the competition?