Three Gifts for New Mothers

Photo of a Happy Uterus Plush, a pink uterus with a smiling face.

Happy Uterus Plushie — At 11.5 inches wide, this terrycloth plushie could soak up some of the amniotic fluid, pee and blood that comes out during childbirth. The stains deposited would make your second uterus an instant keepsake.

Caution: the uterus is not for children. The eyes probably pop off when chewed. Cost: $21.

Photo of a Utera Maxima, a large huggable plush uterus.

Utera Maxima — It’s 20 inches tall. It’s 29 inches wide. It’s 69 inches from fallopian tube to fallopian tube. And with super soft fleece, she’s great for snuggling.

If you have two kids, give them each an ovary and let them engage in a tug of war for your affection. Cost: $45.

Photo of a sew-on uterus patch. A quarter is in the photo to provide a sense of scale.

Sew-On Uterus Patch — At 8 inches wide, this patch would make an ordinary cape wearer into Super Mom. Her super power is fallopian tubes of steel, brow-beating criminals into submission.

Dispel your penis envy once and for all by bringing your reproductive organs to the outside of your body with this uterine patch.

Warning: Despite the implications of the photo, your uterus is not a vending machine even though it does dispense. Cost: $4.50.

Photo of a grey plush breast with a pink top.

Breast Plushie — It’s a bonus gift for autumn mothers… an albino pumpkin boob. Just $30.

Comments

8 Responses to “Three Gifts for New Mothers”

  1. Lil' Sugarplum says:

    OMG, where do you find this stuff AJ! :-) Too funny!

    July 24th, 2009 at 9:34 am

  2. tucker says:

    What’s scarier is if someone is actually buying this stuff!!!???

    July 24th, 2009 at 9:40 am

  3. Christy says:

    That boob is seriously scary. Nothing like a couple of eyes on an engorged breast…not to mention the surreal nipple.

    July 24th, 2009 at 9:56 am

  4. Kimberly says:

    Tucker, yes people buy this stuff. I know several lactation consultant friends who buy the “boobs”… not this particular one, mostly nicely knitted ones (sans the eyes) and use them in breastfeeding classes to teach how to get the proper latch. It is quite effective in demonstrating the famous asymmetrical latch.

    As for the uterus’s I’m not quite sure who the market is… so if anyone knows please share :)

    July 24th, 2009 at 10:09 am

  5. F. says:

    WOW! The breast plushie was cute, but I think it needs to be part of a pair.
    I was checking VulvaLoveLovely’s shop and found out that you can get a personalized pendant of your vulva as well as a painting. Perfect for that hard to buy for someone. I will bookmark it for holiday shopping.

    Tucker- I am guessing that the target audience consists of feminists, college students, and those who are infatuated with their vulva.

    July 24th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

  6. KittyCat says:

    Good God – isn’t this taking “natural” and sex education a bit too far?

    I’m proud of my boobs and other bits but I wouldn’t go so far as to buy soft cuddly toys to affirm myself or others of them!!!

    I’ll only go for the cute autumn boob :-)

    July 25th, 2009 at 5:58 pm

  7. Summer says:

    Wow. My husband just saw this post and about the boob said, “Hey now you know what to get me for Christmas” oh boy.

    July 28th, 2009 at 3:56 pm

  8. Kathleen says:

    Isn’t that actually FOUR gifts?? Too funny!

    August 9th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

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