Kush: A fair substitute for plastic surgery until you’re finished nursing

Photo of a Kush support bar resting between the breasts of a sleeping pregnant woman.

If there’s one thing I would change about my wife, it’s her cleavage wrinkles. Implants only took care of the sag. What do I do about the wrinkles in-between?

The answer: Koosh balls! No, wait a Kush support bar!

When inventor Cathinka Chandler noticed wrinkles in her cleavage area, she wasn’t going to take them lying down. She researched her condition and had a revelation:

“I learned that gravity and the pressure of my breasts resting on top of each other while sleeping was the culprit.”

She did what any other boob-proud woman would do. She created a plastic cylinder contoured to the space between her breasts, a lightweight number with a slip-resistant outer coating.

No straps. No glue. No snaps, tape, buttons, levers, magnets, ropes, wires, nets, trap doors or Velcro. Just push the Kush between your twins and enjoy a more restful night’s sleep as you roll from side to side content in the knowledge that your knockers have been silenced.

Pregnant and nursing mothers are a prime market for the Kush because of its ability to caress engorged breasts on those “tender, sore and sensitive nights.”

With prices ranging from $39 to $42 depending on size, it’s really quite economical to preserve your femininity. I recommend Kush to all my female Thinga-readers* and encourage you to send in sleep photos to share. *My relatives excluded.

Be sure to wear a deep V-neck pajama top like the models on the Kush website.

A very special thank-you goes to Thinga-reader Courtney for suggesting this product tip. She hinted it was for our Fame or Shame? series, but I’m sure her comment was in jest.

Comments

9 Responses to “Kush: A fair substitute for plastic surgery until you’re finished nursing”

  1. adrienne says:

    I seriously disappointed that they don’t have an option for extended sizes.

    I guess I’ll just shove a 2 liter of Mt. Dew in between those puppies at naptime. Maybe I could add a cylinder of crackers for bonus siesta snacks…

    July 8th, 2009 at 5:41 am

  2. anjii says:

    I can’t tell if your tone is tongue-in-cheek or not, but I would use this… although I’m not concerned about wrinkles (and haven’t noticed any), I’m a side sleeper, and it can be very uncomfortable when your top boob is full and heavy, and drooping into the empty space. I try using my body pillow to prop it up, but it’s not supportive enough. This thing looks like it would actually do the trick!

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:06 am

  3. AJ says:

    >tongue-in-cheek or not

    Uh oh. Why haven’t I received more investor inquiries for my pug-pram pushing business then?

    I was joking about my wife’s plastic surgery (it’s her joke, actually), but am completely serious about you e-mailing me scantily clad photos.

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:47 am

  4. anjii says:

    lol… I knew the surgery was a joke. I just wasn’t totally sure about the rest ;)

    Sorry, but I can’t oblige on the pictures, lol. As I said, I “would” use this, but have no current need for it as I’m past the “full/engorged” phase, and will only be dealing with that on a short-term basis during weaning down the road.

    But if we ever have baby #3, I will consider purchasing this and send you a photo!

    July 8th, 2009 at 2:36 pm

  5. Bill says:

    I’m very disappointed that they don’t offer a “Mr. Kush” product designed specifically for man boobs. I feel that it’s discrimination, and they’ll be hearing from my lawyers soon.

    July 8th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

  6. F. says:

    This post made me LOL at least 5x. Well done AJ (and very funny comment Bill). Adrienne check the website, they do have a size that looks like a 2liter bottle for Mountain Dew.

    July 8th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

  7. Amber says:

    Hmm. “supportive” at bedtime, “torture device” four hours later when your babe slept through a feeding and their size has reached critical mass.

    One thing I definitely did not need more of in that area during that “engorged” time was something taking up valuable real estate.

    XD

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:18 pm

  8. Kimbelry says:

    Okay so way TMI but I’d use this as a prop for nursing (not laying down but sitting up). I always needed to hold my “milk makers” with my hand or I’d prop a towel under it to help support while my son fed– making nursing in public hard because even mild discreetness wasn’t easily attainable. This could be handy for that.

    July 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm

  9. Miss X says:

    I haven’t visited your site in months (thus all the comments) and realize how much I’ve been missing!

    Love Bill’s comment…I really did laugh out loud at that one!

    July 24th, 2009 at 11:51 pm

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