Baby Bum Casting Kit: Keepsake of a Lifetime

Capture your baby’s posterior for all posterity. That’s right. The Baby Bum Casting Kit by Sanoma Innovations allows you to create a three-dimensional plaster cast of your baby’s butt.

Product image of the Baby Bum Casting Kit used under fair use for parody purposes.

Why would you want to do this?

  1. To embarrass your future teenager.
  2. To place it alongside your growing child’s derrière every year to reflect on how much he has grown.
  3. To start off your child’s trophy collection, with his heinie one day sitting alongside his Heisman.

Making a rear replica is easy! You merely overlap wet medical-grade plaster strips on bare buttocks, finishing in about 3 to 5 minutes. Then you allow the strips to dry for another 3 to 5 minutes.

During this period you pray that your infant, amid the excitement of having cold pastiness applied to his butt, doesn’t reflexively empty his bowels into the confined space you just created over his exit hole.

Have you changed a breastfed baby’s diaper on Volcano Day? It’s like the spigot on a restaurant’s self-serve softie ice cream dispenser spontaneously popping off as a bubbling green milkshake pours out over your dessert dish, onto the floor and over your shoes as you throw napkin dispensers at the machine trying to slow the river of sludge while screaming, “My God, sweet Jesus, make it stop!”

What’s the saying? There are no atheists at changing tables.

Anyhow, after the plaster has hardened you lift it off, and shazam, you have a cheeky keepsake.

You’re probably thinking, “Oh, don’t sensationalize things.” A butt cast is no different than a hand or foot keepsake, right?

No. Sorry. That’s where you’re wrong. It’s better. If you consort with parents who love to model and display baby extremities in their homes, you instantly upstage them with your tasteful tookus. “Hands and feet are so pedestrian,” you say as they gaze upon your artful ass. That’s pronounced “ahhh-sss” by the way, because it’s art.

And I do mean art, because retailers suggest decorating those fleshy dimples with paint, dried flowers or even a poem inscribed over both cheeks. Throw it in a shadow box. Fancy fanny!

Be sure not to miss the company’s gluteal gallery, albeit a plain au gratin treatment.

Okay, okay, I’m done. No more wordplay until a Father-Son Casting Kit hits the market.

Comments

17 Responses to “Baby Bum Casting Kit: Keepsake of a Lifetime”

  1. AJ says:

    I sometimes worry about writing tongue-in-cheek stuff like this, but my wife reminded me, “Anyone who markets an ass-casting kit has a sense of humor.”

    October 1st, 2008 at 2:07 am

  2. BusyMom says:

    Wow! I think a baby’s bottom is a cute thing, but I can’t imagine making this “memento”. I’ll stick with the hands and feet.

    October 1st, 2008 at 3:09 am

  3. Darby says:

    Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    October 1st, 2008 at 5:15 am

  4. Janis says:

    I think my baby’s bum is so adorable and pinch-able, but this is just weird! Who comes up with this stuff?? I wonder how well they’re selling? Thanks for the laugh!

    October 1st, 2008 at 6:40 am

  5. JJ says:

    They sell well in the UK! Baby gifts with a difference can be tough to buy so what’s the harm in a bit of cute keepsake making!

    Worse than your Mum showing your girlfriend a picture of you in the paddling pool age 4 – I’d say so. I agree with BusyMom – baby hands & feet casting kits are where I’ll be staying!

    October 1st, 2008 at 6:47 am

  6. Allison (CodeCrafter) says:

    HAHAHAHAHA. I just laugh thinking how much this would horrify my husband. He was absolutely mortified when I had my friends help me make a cast of my pregnant torso. He won’t let me hang it anywhere in the house where a guest might see it.

    I don’t think my son would have laid still long enough for it though. It was hard enough getting a hand print!

    October 1st, 2008 at 7:07 am

  7. Cyndi says:

    I did a bellycast when I was pregnant and people laughed at me! I can’t imagine doing this! Thanks for the laugh!

    October 1st, 2008 at 7:40 am

  8. Cyndi says:

    I did a bellycast when I was pregnant and people laughed at me! I can’t imagine doing this! Thanks for the laugh!

    October 1st, 2008 at 7:41 am

  9. jen says:

    I laughed so hard at this that I woke the baby with her own squishable tush. If only she knew.

    Your writing was hilarious.

    The part about the poop? Oh dear, that was disgusting, but I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about.

    October 1st, 2008 at 9:25 am

  10. Alexis says:

    No thank you! I can’t imagine.

    October 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  11. Christy says:

    That is the best laugh I have had all day. I am actually tempted to get this because A)I want to embarrass the immortal crap out of my son someday…possibly wedding day…can’t you just see the table centerpiece? B)Why not? I don’t know who thinks a baby is going to stay still long enough for this to cure, especially if oyu have a roller.

    October 1st, 2008 at 12:53 pm

  12. addy says:

    I have seen weirder…some of the moms on my BBC board spent time last fall painting their kids butt and then imprinting it on paper to make butt-kin (like pumpkin) cards…I find this very deranged…maybe none of my kids are cute enough that I worship their ass…to each his/her own…I guess

    October 1st, 2008 at 3:03 pm

  13. Cathy @ Chief Family Officer says:

    OMG, who comes up with this stuff?! Thanks for the laugh (and the expanded feed – see, it worked!). I tweeted you too :)

    October 1st, 2008 at 8:28 pm

  14. gertie says:

    Now I finally know what to buy for those boring co-worker baby showers!

    October 1st, 2008 at 9:49 pm

  15. Darby says:

    I just had to share this too. Thought you might like to see it at:

    http://www.examiner.com/x-764-Baby-and-Toddler-Examiner~y2008m10d1-Cute-ass-a-button

    October 2nd, 2008 at 8:23 am

  16. anjii says:

    If I could get my one year old to hold still for this, I would TOTALLY do it, lol! He is a tiny baby (preemie) and has an even tinier tush, and this would be an excellent way for me to remember just how small he was down the road.

    October 5th, 2008 at 7:59 am

  17. Draupadi says:

    I stumbled on your page because I was googling for someone to cast my baby’s bum!

    Your writing has me in tears of laughter (‘there are no atheists at the changing table’)

    I am really LOL. Thanks!

    April 19th, 2009 at 5:53 pm

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