Thursday, August 28th, 2008
Fame or Shame Game #5: Santa Deception Kits
Here are several products that take the joy of lying to your children and torque it up several notches. These kits beckon you to plant evidence or engage in rituals in order to cement Santa Claus as a living, breathing being in your child’s fragile universe.
Carefully weigh the merits of these products and then tell us why the inventors are destined for fame, or shame.
Santa-Clues is a robust kit containing a coat button, sleigh bell, old-timey spectacles, a white glove, a toy list (containing names) and a torn piece of Santa’s cuff. The torn clothing adds extra realism if you own a dog or a particularly vicious cat or guinea pig.
Also included is a boot and hoof stencil to be used with the included “magic snow.”
If all this seems familiar it’s because I profiled Santa-Clues here last spring in How Far Will You Go to Keep the Big Lie Alive? So why revisit it? Well, there’s a nifty product photo now!
Santa Dust by PACJennic relies on a simpler idea. Instead of proving Santa exists, Mom and Dad put their child through the annual ritual of sprinkling the ground with sparkling dust to attract Santa as if he were Tinkerbell. You can also buy Reindeer Dust, Reindeer Food and Christmas Dust.
I know what you’re thinking. Combine Santa Dust with Santa-Clues and your child will be a believer for life. When he spends his first Christmas away from home at the age of 24, just tell him Santa probably doesn’t know his new address yet and mail service is spotty because the polar ice cap melted, postal trucks can’t reach Santa by land and the North Pole air space has been deemed a no-fly zone as the nations of the world fight over oil and mining rights. Your kid will be sad, but Santa will live another precious year.
The Easter Bunny is also a sucker for dust, as are the holidays of Valentine’s Day, Halloween, Independence Day, Chanukah and New Year’s Day. Oh, and there is birthday dust, quinceanera dust, bar mitzvah dust and sweet 16 dust. Each dust bag apparently comes with a brief limerick so it all makes sense.
Sprinkle on the ground at night
the moon will make it sparkle bright
Santa’s reindeer fly and roam
this will lead him to your home.
The Santa Glove is a glove labeled “Property of Santa Claus” and “Made in the North Pole.” It is “proof of life for kids of all ages.”
The glove is made by Mary Ellen’s Soaps and marks something of a departure from her usual products. You know, soap. So it should come as no surprise that Mary Ellen makes Santa Poop Soap (found further down the linked page).
Why, there’s nothing more exciting than running downstairs Christmas morning to the smell of fresh milk and cookies, only to discover that Santa has emptied his bowels on your family room floor. No, really, the soap is scented like milk and cookies.
There’s also Santa’s Coal Soap that “looks like real coal with a candy cane fragrance.”
Other popular soaps include:
- Snowman Poop Soap.
- Reindeer Poop Soap.
- Elf Poop Soap.
- Christmas Tree Poop Soap.
Something tells me it would be easier to buy a Christmas tree diaper.
There you have it. I invite you, dear Thinga-readers, to tell us… fame, or shame?