I was pretty smug about this – our computer’s in the living room, where we monitor everything VERY closely.

Then our 13-year-old son was given a free computer and I decided it was okay in his room – no Internet connection – as long as he only used it for specific 1/2 hour increments.

Until… I walked in one day and was shocked to see a Google window on his screen. Surprise! The neighbours have wireless Internet, and the same teacher who gave him the free PC slipped him a wireless Internet card without telling us. Sheesh.

We’re back to NO COMPUTERS IN THE BEDROOMS now. :-)

Never.

Only a doctor or a firefighter, or maybe a superhero needs to be reached at a moment’s notice. Sure, there is always the “in an emergency” thing… well, everyone else has a cellphone if an emergency comes up. I observe kids everywhere with their eyes buried in that tiny screen, or ignoring the people around them in social group because they are too busy yakking on the phone. I don’t recall ever seeing a kid lending his cellphone to a stranded motorist, though.

There is a lot of concern about brain damage/cancer from cellphone use, and it does not appear to be fear-mongering at this point. I’ve got a newsflash for you: they are completely unnecessary, and your child will learn to become selfish and unaccountable… “I didn’t have a signal”, or “I am going to be late”.

The anti-princess thing, though, has probably been the biggest for me as it’s sooo pervasive! I’ve written on my blog about it 3 times, the most recently of which is linked at my URL here.

1. Licensed characters- I have strong opinions on this one… Most of my chagrin comes with licensed characters on clothing. Frankly, it’s not the characters that bother me. It’s the free advertising for the companies that market these characters. Ugh. Granted, we do have a retro Mickey Mouse ringer T that I found in a thrift shop. I guess every person has a modicum of hypocrisy. Maybe part of my irritation is that most of those shirts are garish and loud. As for character toys, I really stay away from them, even if my daughter hasn’t seen the show they’re in. Most often it’s because I want her to have her own imagination in how she interacts with her toys and I don’t want her playing Episode 5 of Dora. With the shows she doesn’t watch, I figure it’s probable that she’ll end up seeing them one day, and the less stuff with characters, the better.

2. Candy, Soda, Juice – We do occasional candy. Really once in a while. Soda is an absolute no. And juice is also occasional. My big gripe here is grandparents trying to be grandparent-ly and offering snacks when they aren’t needed, let alone requested. This drives me batty. DON’T offer my kid sugary snacks she hasn’t even asked for. Sorry, pet peeve.

3. Electronic Books – I don’t really have an opinion. AJ, you say that “electronic learn-to-read toys encourage solo activity at a time when the instructive guidance and socialization provided by another living person are most important.” True, but my daughter often sits alone and “reads” a regular book, as I’m sure most kids do. I think that as long as you’re not using it as a substitue, you’re golden.

4. Audio Books – I LOVED these as a kid. I’m a huge reader and always was. But when cleaning my room or riding in the car, (I got totally carsick), these were GOLD. I’d say 5+

5. Talking Stuffed Animals – Ditto to what you said.

6. MP3 Player – Watching my 8 year old niece leave hers in the car countless times doesn’t make me think most kids need one until they’re much older. I agree, they’re isolating. I love mine, but again, I use it to tune out for awhile.

7. Digital Camera – Really depends on the kid. Perhaps 4+ for a careful kid with an interest or 8+ for anyone else?

8. Cell Phone – I say when they’re old enough to hang out alone with friends… and then, VERY limited. Definitely by the time they’re driving and most likely by 18.

9. Videos/DVD – I much prefer these to TV… they’re occasional, and honestly? I wish they were less frequent. I’m not as perfect as I want to be

10. TV – less frequent and hopefully decreasing as time goes by. It’s hard to go back

11. Movie Theaters – summer brings the $1 movies where the theater is chock full of younguns and no one minds if its noisy. Other than that? 7ish

12. Video games – love/hate. Love to play them :) Hate watching kids zone out to them. We have an original nintendo and the kid doesn’t play it at all. I do want a Wii :)

13. 14. 15. Computer stuff? I don’t know…

16. Princess and Pink – my daughter is the daughter of a self-proclaimed tomboy and yet still loves pink and princess stuff. I have no idea where the passion comes from. I say as long as it’s not licensed, I don’t care.

17. Jewelry – if it’s a special piece from someone for a special occasion, I don’t see the harm.

18. Make up and ear piercing – ear piercing can happen (studs only) when she’s old enough to understand the process and how to take care of them Make up? I’d be happy with never. I don’t wear it so my daughter isn’t imitating me. I can only hope it lasts.

I’m “crunchy” by my surrounding crowd’s views… i think it just means different tending towards the natural.

Before baby, we didn’t watch much tv (mostly food network, history channel, and some sci-fi). We’ve reduced that a little, but not much. We did upgrade to the digital package so we could watch our shows after the girl goes to bed (she really doesn’t need to watch Battlestar Galactica, for example, but we catch every episode). My daughter (she’s 2) also watches half an episode of Sesame Street a day, while I make breakfast and clean up the kitchen. Sometimes I let her watch Finding Nemo, but I restrict it to half an hour (except for a few really tough days there…)

Before baby, we used the computers for entertainment. Now, we still do. Both my husband and I play games, and I also read blogs, write my own, and spend a good amount of time uploading and processing photos. Our office is also the playroom, so this is my daughter’s independent play time for an hour or two in the evening. Sometimes she sits on our laps and watches, moves the mouse around, etc. She’ll probably get her own hand-me down computer and desk at a young age, but never an internet connection in her room.

We ban talking toys from our house, and I’ve gripped about licensed products so much that we haven’t received any as gifts, except for one stuffed turtle from Finding Nemo, but it just looks like a turtle. Her basic toys are blocks, books, animals, and cooking accessories (a tea set, I’d guess you’d call it). She does great with those. As a teacher and former day care worker I can tell you that kids don’t attempt to “read” electronic books, they just push buttons or jab the stylus to make noise. Kids only attempt to “read” real books, and that’s how they learn.

As for jewelery, I don’t have a problem with it, except for earrings. Piercing a child’s ear before they are old enough to ask for it seems like torture to me. I will let my daughter get her ear pierced as soon as she’s old enough to understand and accept the pain (not sure what age that will be). Incidentally, I’d let a son pierce his ear too, if he wanted to. My husband has an ear pierced, and I have several holes in each ear. We both wear necklaces and bracelets most of the time.

Also, I don’t see any problem with a child making his or herself attractive. I would have a problem with a child making him or herself sexy, but I think there is an easily recognizable distinction between the two. I wouldn’t ban jewelery unless I saw my child starting to exhibit inappropriately mature behavior. I remember getting my first gold necklace at seven, and it was a big deal. It was a right of passage, but not a sexual one. I understood that I was old enough to be trusted with a valuable possession. The thought never entered my mind that boys would like me more because I had a gold necklace.

Make-up is a much more difficult issue for me. I wear make-up every day to cover up severe rosacea. I enjoy special occasion (evening) make-up, but HATE the fact that I feel I have to wear it everyday. However, it allows me to lead a “normal” public life. That being said, my two year old daughter watches me get ready and mimics me. She could probably apply a full coat of makeup to herself if she could only open the bottles. It makes me sad, to see her happily powdering her face, and I’m at a loss as to how I will approach the makeup issue when she’s older.

I basically agree with and embrace your philosophy, although I have not been as hardlined about it in practice.

We do let our kids watch videos – we have an assortment that have mostly come to us secondhand by way of consignment sales. I recognize they are not necessarily beneficial to my kids (my kids will not be smarter/happier for having watched them), but it does extend my sanity a little longer in the afternoons when I’m trying to get dinner together.

Regarding jewlery/princessy things – I actively resist all things Disney princess (I hate that mouse ;). However, we do have generic princess dress-ups (which my then 2yo son loved wearing more than his sis).

I was a bit of a tomboy, and suspect my girl will be too. That said, I did let her get her ears pierced at age 4. Not exactly sure why, I think I actually wanted her to experience something “girly” b/c I don’t think she gets a lot of that exposure otherwise. It’s a bit of a contradiction, but I am okay with that decision.

Overall tho, I do agree with you that in general, less is more, and things that require batteries or lights are poor substitutes for more organic activities/pastimes.

Concerns about jewelry seem more like a practical issue to me than a philosophical one. Jewelry would have to be pretty flashy to be more of an attention-getting device than clothing is. My daughter doesn’t have pierced ears because I’m afraid she’d rip an earlobe climbing a tree with earrings on.

Licensed characters: Because I grew up with the Pooh books, I don’t really think of them as “licensed”. We have many Pooh things from a variety of versions — Disney stuffed toys that were mine as a child, “classic” Pooh from the US and the UK. My son loves to read, but at two isn’t quite yet old enough to sit through an entire chapter of the book, however we did pick up a used book version of “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree” that is is his favorite – I think because of the detailed illustrations on every page. I think of it as a good way to transition into the “full” book when he’s older.

I wish someone would produce a lavishly illustrated (as in, big illustrations on every page) version of the original Pooh stories.

We do also have some Sesame Street licensed toys (including a couple of electronic ones) that are for in the car only (we travel by car a great deal – living in Maine = long distances and basically no public transportation). We also watch Sesame Street videos on the web (both on YouTube and the great new SS site).

I guess the theme here is that licensed characters from my own childhood = ok. I have no idea why that is, but it does seem to be the way the rule has evolved at my house.

Candy, juice, soda and other sugary treats:
Candy: My son was on prophylactic antibiotics for several months until he could have surgery to correct a defect in his urinary tract. At that time he started getting a single gumdrop as a reward for taking his medicine without a fuss. Maybe that makes us bad parents, but the first six weeks of holding down a screaming toddler to shoot medicine into his mouth will break your will too. The end result of this is that my son thinks of gumdrops as a reward for taking medicine. He may someday progress to asking for medicine so he can have a gumdrop, but that hasn’t happened yet.

Juice: My son has never, ever been willing to drink plain water. We’ve always had to flavor it somehow. Right now we make him lemonade, which does have some sugar in it. He can also have a cup of V8 once per day.

Audio Books: We love, love, love audio books for in the car.

Cell Phone: We don’t have a land line, so my son sees us use cell phones all the time. He has a toy one, which he uses to “call” lots of people, and talks to people on our phones as well. As to getting his own … well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For me its less about his age and more about responsibility and need. For example, a friend who is divorced gave his six year old daughter a cell phone (with the mom’s permission) because it helped reinforce the idea that the daughter could talk to her father whenever she wanted, and eased her fears about dad “going away forever” due to the divorce. Its one of the firefly phones, so she can only use it to call numbers her parents have programed into it.

Videos/DVD/TV: If we didn’t watch TV how would my son be able to learn to love baseball??? :-)
I do watch sports on TV with my son, and have since he was very tiny. (We’ve also taken him to live games.) As I mentioned above, we also watch some stuff on YouTube. We also play some games on-line … on the Fisher Price site there is an ABC “game” that he loves, and I do credit his love for that game … and desire to play it over and over and over and over and over again to the fact that he knows the entire alphabet at two.