Thursday, June 5th, 2008
Parent Inventions: Three Dreams Dashed in Three Sentences
Here are three new baby products and the concise reasons I think they’ll fail, or at least why I wouldn’t buy them.
Baby Bumsie is an infant bodysuit engineered to handle diaper blowouts (known as "assplosions" in our house). When an ass explodes, a normal Onesie gets soaked and then you’re faced with pulling a wet garment off over your baby’s head. So the Baby Bumsie has removable quilted padding attached around the bodysuit’s crotch area using snaps and Velcro. The padding gets soaked while the bodysuit remains dry. You replace the padding much like swapping out a diaper, saving your baby’s face from poop smears.
Why I’m not buying it: I like bodysuits with snaps behind the neck or along the shoulder so I can pull the suit off down around the legs. At $34 a pop for a Baby Bumsie, I could buy several normal Onesies, or a dozen at a thrift store. I’m being asked to preventively dress my baby for assplosions every day, a task that is wasted if the ass isn’t exploding every day.
SleepaRoo is a "all-in-one infant sleep system" that tackles three big crib issues: blanket suffocation, rolling over and crib rail injuries.
A fitted sheet is equipped with a harness you strap your baby into that keeps the baby in the middle of the mattress. Rail attachments hold the blanket in place at armpit height, preventing it from being pulled over the baby’s head. All of this can be had for $59.98 Canadian dollars.
Why I’m not buying it: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends dressing your baby warmly instead of using a blanket. A baby rolling into a crib railing, well, I don’t understand the worry about a minor bonking. Once a baby is mature enough to roll over in his sleep, again, I’m just not concerned.
The Sidekick solves the age old problem of how to carry your baby everywhere and have your diaper bag with you, too. This diaper bag is held at your waist with a shoulder strap, and your baby sits on top of the bag with the aid of fabric that acts as back support â€” making it a hip baby carrier.
Why I’m not buying it: As parents who travel primarily by car, our diaper backpack resides in our car trunk most of the time. We don’t lug it on our person unless absolutely necessary, and the Sidekick would give us no choice. Plus, it’s much less versatile as a carrier than a regular sling that can carry a baby full frontal or on your back leaving your front side distraction free.
I’m not saying these three inventions are bad, just that regular existing products and procedures simply outweigh them.
Oh, but I’m just a jaded blowhard. What do you think?