Comments on: Please Don’t Be Offended, But I Want Your Baby

By: Elizabeth W.

Elizabeth W. — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:14:56 +0000

I think the waitress had a right to be offended, but personally I am not appalled at the card or anything. I guess the people looking to adopt think it is worth mildly offending some strangers to get a chance at finding a baby to adopt and I can’t say I blame them. There is a chance, if that card gets into the right hands, that it may work for them. It’s worth a try.

AND – if someone gave me a card saying they are looking to adopt a CHILD after seeing me and my three kids in Target, I would not be offended. I would be mildly amused and just a little bit tempted (on some days anyways).

By: Dallas

Dallas — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:31:12 +0000

This happened to a friend of mine back when we were in college and waiting tables.

But here’s the kicker: my friend wasn’t pregnant, just, um, “big boned”.

She was HIGHLY offended….

By: tina

tina — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:14:48 +0000

I guess I am offended that she is offended. It is easy for those who can conceive to ignore the plight of a woman who can not conceive. I am an African American woman and it is very difficult to find an infant to adopt; although, there are several given up for adoption, placed in CPS for foster care, or given to some relative who can’t afford to take care of them. I am tired of seeing a young woman of any color with multiple kids that they can’t afford to care for yet, continue to get pregnant. All the couple did was give the young waitress, an alternative. Is that a crime? Why is it more appropriate for volunteers, nurses, physicians, etc. at free clinics to offer alternatives? At least this way, the couple feels like they are active in helping themselves and the expecting mother is aware of alternative maybe not considered.

By: Amber

Amber — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 04:55:22 +0000

given how completely terrified of anyone who looked sideways at my stomach while I was pregnant, I would probably have been afraid to go out to my car that night.

People are weird, and it’s hard to tell if you’re a little weird or a lot weird when you do something like that.

I’d probably look over my shoulder for weeks afterwards.

By: sandra

sandra — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:23:02 +0000

kinda creepy, but can almost understand where they are coming from. My husband & i were together for 10 yrs & married for almost 8. we’d concived but miscarried just twice, but it was hard, emotionally & physically. I felt really desperate. Had even asked my best friend to consider surrogacy. it never happened. Not sure if she could’ve actually done it.
well my husband & i have recently seperated, he left me with no car, no job, nothing basicly. Just all the bills & our minnie farm & i found out that i am currently pregnant. He knows, but hasn’t tried to contact me not once. From what i’ve been told he is claiming that it isn’t even his baby. Maybe even hoping that i will miscarry once again, but it doesn’t look that way. & as bad as we both wanted to have a baby at one time, i’m doubting it now. i dont have the means to care for a child, & i am considered high risk, so i can’t exactly work, although i do get paid to care for 2 other children, in my home. but i have actually been considering adoption for this baby. But being pregnant & now 30. Is this just my time to become a mom or to do something even more special. i wish somebody would be so bold as to tell me that i’d suck at being a mom cause i can’t afford to take care of a child. everyone just tells me that i’ll be a great mom & i’ll have plenty of help. i am 30 yrs old, i should be doing this on my own, or atleast with a husband that can acknowledge his own child!!! yea, still a little bitter

By: LiteralDan

LiteralDan — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 03:47:30 +0000

I pretty much agree with the idea that at least they didn't strike up an insanely awkward conversation, so it could be much worse.

And rather than allow one's insecurities to ascribe motivations and opinions to mysterious strangers, (which in my experience can be a big problem during pregnancy, so I forgive her), one could assume they are leaving these cards all over town anywhere they see any women with even a slight protrusion about the midsection, or a healthy glow about the face.

So amusing for her, sad for them is about right. It's a crazy world!

By: Katie

Katie — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:32:52 +0000

Just another note...

On the organ donor example I concede that it might be okay to approach a close friend in a tactful, loving way, provided that friend is already familiar with your situation. However, this is equivalent of handing out cards in a hospital to every worried face, complete with the name of your doctor.

Second, if this couple truly wanted to help the young woman there are many things they could do. They could leave a large tip, donate to a women's shelter, volunteer with any number of organizations, work with an adoption agency on an education effort, and so on. These people's motives were not to help, they were only looking out for themselves.

Recently, after my brother-in-law and wife lost their baby to trisomy 18, they decided to pursue adoption. They broadcast it out to all the family members. When we heard that a young woman in our congregation was pregnant and possibly going to give the baby for adoption, we tactfully approached the leader of the congregation and informed him that we had family looking to adopt, giving him the option of passing on the information if and when he thought it was appropriate. We would never have approached the young lady directly, especially in such a difficult time for her because it would be crass and rude and totally inappropriate.

By: adrienne

adrienne — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:29:00 +0000

It might be pertinent to add that pregnant women are often around many other pregnant women. With all the prenatal visits and such, I have been in the waiting room with many, many pregnant women- some of whom I talk to.

That doesn't mean I'm going to pitch adoption to any of them, but this couple is looking for a rare circumstance.

I'm related to children adopted privately (domestically and internationally) and through public adoption. Friends have also adopted children from foster care and special needs infants. The adoption process is arduous no matter what route people take, and ultimately the couple seeking adoption simply wants a child to love.

It seems to me that parents who know that special bond with their own children should understand why others hunger for it and be empathetic to the legal, but desperate actions the childless may take.

My friends lost their first child due to a rare congenital heart defect. Their following pregnancies ended in miscarriage. Their suddenly childless lives presented a terrible sadness that would destroy most marriages. After a 3 year wait they were able to internationally adopt a beautiful child who brings so much joy to their lives. I would not fault them for distributing such cards or taking similar measures. Nor do I feel that people who have never had children can't feel a similar sense of loss.

By: Andie

Andie — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:47:19 +0000

Absolutely she has a right to be offended! Of course adoption is difficult, but you don’t approach random strangers offering to adopt their baby. Do they seriously think that if a pregnant woman is not ready to parent her child, leaving a card offering to take the baby off her hands is the way to go? And another thought…I couldn’t help but wonder if they have also managed to upset and offent women whom they assume to be pregnant but were not… Yuck

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:32:32 +0000

The desperation factor is disturbing of people leaving the note. And would that have happened had the woman not been a waitress? Would they have done the same thing if she was eating at the restaurant in a suit and looked like a successful businessperson? I really don’t think so. It’s as if its open season if you appear to be a lower economic class. It also says something that people even think women would just give away their babies like that. If a woman was going to choose to do that, I would think they would go to a reputable adoption agency. I think this situation shows how women and their babies can become an economic commodity. Not to mention the multiple stereotypes involved.