Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
Please Don’t Be Offended, But I Want Your Baby
Imagine…. a waitress who is five months pregnant is working at a restaurant. After finishing serving a group of 12 adults, she finds a pre-printed business card-size note next to her tip at the table. She is married, but isn’t wearing her ring on the job.
“We wish to adopt a baby. We are a caring, happily married, financially secure and loving couple. We want to share our joy and love with a child.” The couple’s names and phone numbers are included, as well as that of the couple’s lawyer.
It happened in Everett, Washington last month. Thanks to Cathy at Chief Family Officer for e-mailing the link.
Should the woman be offended? No, seriously, I’m asking.
My wife’s response was a resounding yes. Or rather, some resounding expletives. If put into the woman’s shoes, my wife wonders:
1. Why did they think they could leave that message for me? Because I’m a waitress and therefore can’t afford my baby?
2. Because I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring, did they conclude my pregnancy is unplanned?
My reaction was more docile:
1. If I wasn’t working a low-wage job, would I be as offended?
2. If a couple is going to solicit me, isn’t it better they give me a note instead of putting me on the spot with a verbal confrontation?
3. If I’m in a “good place” with my pregnancy, confident and proud, this note seems amusing in its approach and sad for the couple, but not offensive to me. I’m actually a little sympathetic toward them.
My wife says you can’t go around randomly soliciting pregnant women. Yeah, okay, I concede it’s an unusual thing to do.
At my wife’s place of work — a hospital birth center — two couples in the past few years have asked if they can leave cards or biographies, to be put on file for mothers wanting to place their infant for adoption. Sorry, the hospital isn’t an adoption agency. And really, if a mother wants to place her baby, an adoption agency takes over at that point. You can’t sneak a good word in for yourself, circumventing the agency’s procedures.
Still, put yourself in the mind of a couple who is having difficulty adopting a baby. Aside from waiting for an adoption agency to call, what can you do? Buy a classified newspaper ad? Post on Craigslist? It must be nerve racking seeing pregnant woman everywhere in public and wondering if one of them might be open to adoption, if only you could find out somehow.
So, I’m just saying I see the other side. A restaurant setting is conducive to slipping someone a note.
Oh, but don’t mind me. I have a penis. What do you uterus users think?