Comments on: How we Prepared Our Daughter for a Sibling

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 19:39:14 +0000

Thanks for the advice.

By: Jill

Jill — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:43:04 +0000

My daughters are exactly 3 years apart with the younger one now 8 months old. Granted, the 8 month old came 3 months early and there was a lot of drama around that. But in short, the trend I observed was this: initial anxiety and regression after I cam home from the hospital, then elation and wonderment once the baby came home (7 weeks later), then an "I'm over it" attitude towards the baby where she ceased to acknowledge her existence. And now, she is back to enjoying her as the baby is now becoming quite social and engaging. In fact, and I don't want to get my hopes up here, but I sense a little friendship growing. They giggle together, and when big sister dances, little sister tries to wiggle. So cute!

Thanks for your insights. I am enjoying your blog!

By: kelli

kelli — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:16:11 +0000

Our favorite big brother book is Let Me Tell You about My Baby by Roslyn Banish. The photos are a bit dated, but the big brother in the story is so cute — even when he’s throwing a tantrum.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 05:30:34 +0000

I think your approach is MUCH better than my own parents. I am almost exactly 2 years older than my brother (my only sibling) and my parents approached the new baby as a playmate for me. They used to always tell me even from the time I was born that he was going to be my best friend and someone to play with. Of course he was about as interesting as a bologna loaf and never did catch up with me developmentally. I always resented him and we fought and I was always very punitive toward him even when we were in Middle and High school. I think if my parents had made me more involved in helping, rather than constantly promising a new best friend any day now my brother and I would have gotten along better well before I went away to college.
I think you're doing great.

By: Chief Family Officer

Chief Family Officer — Sat, 31 May 2008 04:34:07 +0000

I am a big fan of I'm a Big Brother/Sister. It really does help open up the "discussion" about the coming baby.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Even when you are all together, you can still focus on your daughter (or at least, one of you can). In the last few months, I have really tried to spend maybe 10-15 minutes twice a day really "in the moment" with each child. I think it really makes a difference with our three-year-old.

The best thing I did for my relationship with my oldest was start having playdates again with my two closest friends who also have boys his age. I left my youngest with my husband and I've really come to enjoy those few hours each week with my oldest.

By: Mama Peach

Mama Peach — Sat, 31 May 2008 02:06:18 +0000

Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are hoping to add number 2 into the sometime in the next year - my daughter will be 3 in August. I value your wisdom on the matter!

Those pictures are phenomenal by the way. Beautiful babies!

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sat, 31 May 2008 01:25:32 +0000

I am pregnant with baby #4 and I think introducing #2 is harder than adding others to the mix. I remember my first daughter being very jelous of the new baby. I tried to handle it by giving her ownership of the baby. I always refered to her as "your baby" and "your sister". I also talked about how similar she was to the baby and looked at lots of baby pictures. When baby came, she was my helper, getting a diaper, a cup of water, a pillow. I praised what a good big sister she was.

One thing that tickded me off was in trying to prepare for baby, I would rent baby sibling books from the library and all of them had big sibling freaking out about baby. Great, what a way to instill fear into my child. One book that I loved was "Baby Come Out" by Fran Manushkin. Everyone actually wanted baby and nobody was asking mom to send baby back to the hospital. I think it is important to prepare big brother or sister for the things baby will do (cry, take up time, make mom tired), but to really accentuate the positive.

By: gertie

gertie — Fri, 30 May 2008 04:54:01 +0000

Thanks for the article.

My second is due in December, when my daughter will be 26 months. As an only child I'm in uncharted territory here, so I like reading how other parents handle the transition.

By: RobMonroe

RobMonroe — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:09:00 +0000

No older/younger sibling advice, just wanted to say that I laughed out loud at the visual of big sister holding baby brothers eyes closed so that he could sleep…..

By: My Boaz's Ruth

My Boaz's Ruth — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:40:41 +0000

Thanks for the update!

And you are right, it does sound like she is taking on more responsibility for him than you guys meant for her too! I loved that "I'm holding his eyelids shut"!