Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
Three Unusual Baby and Toddler Products, Vol. 8
Fropper by International Playthings is a ride-on crab for 18-month-olds. Sit down, grab his handle-grip eye stalks and blind ol’ Fropper as you push him around the house on his caster wheels.
Okay, Fropper is not officially a minimalist interpretation of a crab. It’s just a damned odd contraption that sort of resembles a crab, or a bug or maybe a tongue on wheels.
Its two-level seat contains a "spring system," so presumably your kid hops up and down, as if sliding across the floor isn’t enough. Fropper retails for $80.
Kid ID tags. You can’t put a dog collar on your kid, so tattoo your phone number to the kid’s arm. That’s the idea behind a variety of temporary tattoo products. There are Temporary Tattoos with a Purpose, SafetyTat and the Removable Child ID Tattoo Kit. Or you could grab a Sharpie pen and write your phone number across your child’s belly.
You know, brand your toddler like cattle for when you attend a big public event or go traveling to a strange place and recklessly lose track of the most important thing in your life. Personally, if I felt I needed something more than a phone number taped to the inside of a shoe or the tag on a T-shirt, I’d probably buy a child leash.
Now that winter is past for most of us and our envy will be tempered, behold the Snow Bear by Pelican International. Your toddler sits upright in this molded polar bear, strapped in a safety harness as you pull him through the snow.
The listed age range is birth to 24 months, but I wonder whether newborns sit properly reclined to keep their airway open under the strain of their bobble heads.
Although the Snow Bear retails for a mere $30, it answers a question I’ve often pondered… why do rich people live in mansions? Answer: to store their extensive collection of ginormously sweet playthings.
See also: Three Unusual Baby and Toddler Products:
- Volume 1: High Leg chair extender, nursing bracelet, Clever Coverz.
- Volume 2: PlatePal, Mama Snot Pluck, Tubsider parent seat.
- Volume 3: The Zoo animal storage, Sneeze Sleeve, The Potty Song.
- Volume 4: Yellow pages booster seat, My First Zamboni, Solar System Travel Bag.
- Volume 5 Japanese edition: shampoo hat, nursing bottle scissors, Pooh bedpan.
- Volume 6: Doll playground, baby cologne, foam receiving blanket.
- Volume 7: Horse chariot, leather-like baby gear, Babywunder Deluxe.
- Volume 8: Fropper, safety tattoos, Snow Bear sled.
- Volume 9: Birthday Suit Bear, Wooden Train Chandelier, Pink Lego Bucket.