Ten Baby Shirts to Confuse, Worry or Enrage The Grandparents

This is a continuation from last week’s "As Seen on Amazon" series.

Funny and irreverent baby shirts are something of a cottage industry. Slogans get copied, repeated and rehashed ad infinitum. So, I’m always surprised to see a new slogan that is odd or funny. I’m not sure why some of the following shirts even exist…

1. If you think I’m good lookin’ you should see my uncle. Okay, is there a joke about uncles I don’t know?

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: If you think I'm good lookin you should see my uncle.

2. Future Lawyer. No offense to any counselors reading this.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Future Lawyer, and contains a drawing of scales atop a thick book.

3. Playpen Penitentiary. Is Daddy wearing one too?

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Playpen Penitentiary and is covered in black and white stripes.

4. They’re raising me gay. This is a joke on everyone who thinks it’s possible.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: They're raising me gay.

5. Confucius says Kuwaiti food makes Kuwaiti poo. I thought this might be some sort of odd racist statement, but there are shirts for a range of countries, including Confucius says American food makes American poo.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Confucius says Kuwaiti food makes Kuwaiti poo.

6. Trinidadian Pimp. I don’t care which country you pick. Calling your baby a pimp is always classy.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Trinidadian Pimp.

7. Trojans Suck. No, not condoms. This shirt refers to the University of Southern California Trojans sports teams, or perhaps any Trojans team. There are also shirts for Duke, OSU and other universities. So, take your family to a college football game and get arrested for child endangerment.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Trojans Suck.

8. I heart my gay uncle. Again, what is it about uncles?

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: I heart my gay uncle.

9. Albanian Soldier. This one is available for many other countries, but they’re all printed in English. Huh?

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Albanian Soldier.

10. Attention: Expert diver passed 9 months in German waters. I work for milk. This is a clever message if the mother happens to have German ancestry. It’s available for a range of countries, including America. But wait, it’s also made for landlocked countries such as Austria. And, oof, doing a Cuban version, that’s just wrong.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Attention: Expert diver passed 9 months in German waters. I work for milk.

Bonus #11: Photo with baby 25 cents. This one isn’t weird, just clever. I like it. Although, instead of letting people pose with my baby, I would be selling preprinted wallet size photos.

Photo of a baby t-shirt that reads: Photo with baby 25 cents.

Comments

24 Responses to “Ten Baby Shirts to Confuse, Worry or Enrage The Grandparents”

  1. Summer says:

    Nice. You have to be from Kentucky to get the first Uncle shirt…. and I can say that – I’m from Kentucky LOL

    April 25th, 2008 at 6:40 am

  2. thordora says:

    I wanted to get the one from tshirt hell that said “All Mommy wanted was a backrub” JUST to get a rise out of my mother in law. :)

    April 25th, 2008 at 6:55 am

  3. PJ says:

    Bah, THOSE aren’t racy! http://www.tshirthell.com/babyhell.shtml has racy ones!

    ‘All mom wanted was a back rub’

    and

    ‘I tore mom a new one’

    being the *nicer* ones :)

    April 25th, 2008 at 7:02 am

  4. Jessica G. says:

    I am admitting that I put my first daughter in a “reform school girl” onsie.

    We also have a Question Authority tee that just cracks me up. Sort of like putting a Question Authority sticker on a minivan. Is that irony or just plain whimsy?

    The one that freaked me out was “Daddy’s little squirt” with a solo sperm across the front. At some point our children became billboards for adult humor…

    April 25th, 2008 at 7:13 am

  5. Allison (CodeCrafter) says:

    Um…I think the implication of shirt #1 is that the Uncle is really the kids dad…

    April 25th, 2008 at 8:21 am

  6. AJ says:

    I worry about everyone who understands the uncle shirt. Okay, so if the uncle is the father, explain the “I love my gay uncle” shirt. Is that a double joke, purchased by gay couples who have used artificial insemination?

    April 25th, 2008 at 8:35 am

  7. JMo says:

    I like the Target onesie that says “Automatic Sprinkler”. Otherwise, I prefer not to carry around a billboard.

    When I was pregnant, DH wore a “my wiener rocks” T-shirt almost every weekend. It has a picture of a wiener dog on it.

    I had a matching T-shirt that said “Counting down the days” with a martini glass.

    April 25th, 2008 at 10:43 am

  8. Amy says:

    Some of my favorites are at Planet Funk
    http://www.planetfunk.com/main_template.php?cat=PA-LOO&startcolor=light_blue&id=&shop=k&brand=68330&newproduct=
    I got my boy, the “I’m a breast man” onsie, but didn’t have the guts to get the ” i did nine months in the hole” black onsie. The MIL would have been mortified.

    and threadless.com
    carries some of their shirts in onsies and baby T sizes. Of course these are more visual than verbal, but still so cute/clever.

    April 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am

  9. Paul says:

    My favorite baby shirt belongs to my nephew – looks like the “AC/DC” logo, but says “AB/CD.”

    April 25th, 2008 at 10:50 am

  10. Peter says:

    Actually, I think we’re reading too much into the uncle jokes. I think it’s supposed to be related to how babies sometimes look like wrinkled old bald men, and thus look like the baby’s wrinkled, balding uncle. Then again, maybe I just don’t have a dirty enough mind.

    April 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am

  11. liberrian says:

    I think my favorite baby onesie (which I almost bought when my girl was wee) reads:
    DINGO SNACK.
    how funny is that?

    April 25th, 2008 at 11:03 am

  12. Summer says:

    No the first uncle joke definitely is alluding to the fact that the baby’s father is his uncle. Again only true Kentuckians or West Virginians could understand that (with a few Tennessee folk thrown into the mix).

    The gay uncle… hmm that reminds me of the movie “The Object of My Affection” with Jennifer Aniston. Basically she falls in love with a guy who is gay… meanwhile she is pregnant with her boyfriends baby. They talk about raising the kid together as a couple… in the end it says, “Just call me Uncle George” love that movie though – its a great saturday afternoon rainy day movie.

    April 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am

  13. B says:

    There’s also a book called The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting . . .

    http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Uncles-Guide-Parenting-Trenches/dp/0307381382

    April 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

  14. K says:

    I’ve seen ones like the first uncle one that are sold on the same rack as “If you think I’m cute you should see my Aunt” (and other misc family members). I thought they were meant to be given to children by vain family members, along with the bibs that say “I love my Grandma”, etc.

    My brother gave my son a Che Guevara shirt that says “I have no idea who this” underneath the picture. I chuckle everytime I see it.

    April 25th, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  15. JMo says:

    DINGO SNACK – rofl. Must find that for my next baby shower.

    April 25th, 2008 at 12:41 pm

  16. Cindi says:

    Happy Friday! I have seen most of these shirts. I also have seen downright raunchy ones. Those bothered me a lot. Cindi

    April 25th, 2008 at 3:12 pm

  17. jennifer bowen says:

    wow thats all i can say lol

    April 25th, 2008 at 5:55 pm

  18. Jeremy (Discovering Dad) says:

    I like the pimp shirt. Several funny ones though, and I can definitely see some grandparents being confused by the motivation to putting some of these on a baby.

    April 25th, 2008 at 8:15 pm

  19. Colette says:

    Some of the ones above are a little disturbing. I actually had onsies in my cart at Target that said, “Tax Deduction.” (My twins were born on 12/31.) But, I thought that some people might even find that in poor taste! I put them back.

    My favs are the ones for twins:
    I love my Wombmate
    1 of 2 2 of 2
    Baby A Baby B
    Frick Frack
    Pride Joy

    The one that I still think about getting for my twinkies:
    “Yes, we’re twins.
    No, we’re not identical.”

    Particularly when they were infants (they’re now 16 mos) the inquiries went like this almost every time:
    “Are they twins?” Yes :)
    “Oh, a boy and a girl?” Yes
    “How nice!” Yes, it’s wonderful.
    “Are they identical?” …nope.

    April 25th, 2008 at 9:57 pm

  20. RobMonroe says:

    I will fess up to having purchased a bib that reads “hung like a five year old” and presenting it to the parents at the hospital.

    I’ve seen the “you should see my….” in aunt version. I think that folks are reading too much into the uncle one!

    April 28th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

  21. bombaygirl says:

    When my son was a few months old, I bought him a onesie that read: I’m a boob man. I loved it (he was nursing), but it was even funnier that I would get odd looks from my neighbors. Especially the wives. They thought that my husband had bought the shirt.

    April 28th, 2008 at 10:09 pm

  22. Jed G says:

    When we were in the Galapagos we saw baby T’s that said “I love boobies,” with blue boobie footprints (blue-footed boobies famously nest on the Galapagos).

    On a more geeky note, my cousin gave us a onesie that said “My first labcoat,” appropriate enough for the child of 2 PhD’s.

    April 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

  23. JRC says:

    I’ve seen ones like the first uncle one that are sold on the same rack as “If you think I’m cute you should see my Aunt” (and other misc family members). I thought they were meant to be given to children by vain family members, along with the bibs that say “I love my Grandma”, etc.

    Exactly what I thought.

    April 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm

  24. Nicole says:

    Hey! That first Uncle one is hilarious and I’m not a hillbilly! In Navajo culture you are supposed to kid around with your in-laws like that. Like my 3 brother-in-laws always tease that my son is their’s and the 2 youngest are 9 and 11. Lol. Guess everyone has their own idea of funny. I want that tee for our next one!

    November 30th, 2008 at 3:56 am

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