As Seen on Amazon: Five Must-Have Baby Products

Photo of the Zen Baby Music Mobile that features dangling donut-shaped plush objects that are brown, white, tan and lime green.

Zen Baby Music Mobile by Crown Craft — Chocolate. Powdered. Glazed. Mmmm, it’s a Homer Simpson donut mobile. Count on the two green donuts being moldy, not lime.

Photo of the White Hot Safety Baby Bath Cradle.

White-Hot Safety Baby Bath Cradle by Munchkin — Winner of the Worst Product Name of the Year Award. Contrary to what marketers may lead you to believe, this is not a George Foreman Baby Grill that turns "white-hot" and cooks your baby. No, the slip-resistant foam bath cradle has a safety disc that turns white when the water is too hot. Good thing that’s shown in the product photo, huh?

Photo of the Croaker Baby Rattle which resembles a plush grey or white animal with a mean looking face.

Croaker Baby Rattle by Bearington Baby — Behold a plush albino baby crocodile. That’s what I thought when I read the name and spied his sinister smile and evil brow. But no, it’s an item from Bearingon’s Froggy line of baby goods.

Photo of a baby bib containing a yellow tilted square with the words Baby On Board. It resembles a suction window sign designed for cars some years ago.

Baby on Board Embroidered Baby Bib by Rabbit Skins — Yeah, I’m not sure how this bib affixes to the rear window of your car either. Any ideas?

Photo of a one-piece baby outfit with the words Made in the USA on its chest, plus a flag containing four red stripes, three white stripes and four stars on a blue square.

Newborn Made in the USA Coverall Romper by Alexis — This historic piece of baby clothing dates back to a period just prior to 1776 when the first four British colonies in North America declared their independence. Or maybe it was made by a Liberian emigrant who loved America four times more than his country of birth. Or, could this one-piece outfit be a byproduct of America’s failed education system?


9 Responses to “As Seen on Amazon: Five Must-Have Baby Products”

  1. summer says:

    hmm… not sure I’d say those are must have products. I don’t get the donut mobile at all – boy talk about promoting childhood obesity.

    April 16th, 2008 at 8:53 am

  2. Cindi says:

    Where do you find all of these goodies?! You do make me laugh and I need more of that. Thanks,Cindi

    April 16th, 2008 at 9:20 am

  3. Ashley says:

    At first I thought the baby on board bib was to imply that the wearer was with child. Yikes! I like your spin on it better.

    April 16th, 2008 at 9:47 am

  4. JMo says:

    That doughnut mobile is a clever ploy for the pregnant mama with cravings. Not fair!

    April 16th, 2008 at 10:13 am

  5. thordora says:

    that mobile would be good for a Tim Horton’s lover. :)

    April 16th, 2008 at 10:28 am

  6. Jessica G. says:

    Oh, I needed that! Thanks for the laugh. Glad to see you still have your wits about you with a newborn in the home!

    April 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am

  7. AJ says:

    Cindi, this is just part of my ongoing look at the 132,219 baby products listed on Amazon. Did you know they only let you look at the first 4,000 in any one search? Sadly, I’m not kidding.

    April 16th, 2008 at 12:48 pm

  8. Amanda says:

    Damn, these are awful.

    I know *I* wouldn’t be able to sleep if I woke up and saw that freaky frog staring me in the face :)

    April 16th, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  9. LindaW says:

    Glad to prove myself wrong:

    I was about to suggest that the saddest part of the Made in the USA one-piece isn’t having only for stars, but that the outfit probably wasn’t made in the US. But a bit of websearching shows the Alexis line of clothing IS completely made in the US. Now if only we could do something about the number of stars and stripes on the flag…

    April 17th, 2008 at 7:13 pm

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