Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
Top Eleven Names I Wish I Could Give my Baby Boy
(Contest results soon, I promise, in the meantime…) The following are tongue-in-cheek baby name suggestions I’ve harangued my wife with over the past several months. The real list is much longer, but the following stick in my mind…
11. Flynn is the whiz programmer in the movie Tron who gets zapped into the digital world. This was my one serious sci-fi name. Owing to the name being Irish, my wife said it’s fine as long as the baby is a redhead. Hmmm. Not a chance. Moving on…
10. Gamera is a flying space turtle in Godzilla knock-off movies. He’s known as the defender of children and has a ripping repetitive theme song sung by admiring kids. Admittedly, Gammy is a better girl’s name, but Gamera epitomizes raw strength, which Sigourney Weaver has taught us is a solidly gender neutral quality.
9. Zod is Superman’s archenemy, a criminal exile from planet Kypton and a perennial presidential candidate. He exemplifies efficient leadership and strength through the principle of do-what-I-say-or-else.
8. Fezzik is a giant of a man in the fantasy book and film The Princess Bride. The name represents strength, honor and sportsmanship, as evidenced by Fezzik’s battle with the story’s hero, Westley. Instead of obliterating Westley’s head with a boulder, he threw a warning shot, then negotiated a fair fist fight.
Fezzik’s rhyming is famous in our home, even though my 3-year-old daughter hasn’t seen the film yet.
Vizzini: “No more rhymes now, I mean it!”
Fezzik: “Anybody want a peanut?”
7. Friday is Joe Friday of Dragnet fame, the father of all cop TV dramas. Friday’s singular passion is the law and people who do not respect it. His appeal is found in his textbook dialogue which is a cross between Earnest Hemingway and an angry robot. The name conveys precision, attention to detail and unyielding certainty of convictions.
6. Buckaroo (Banzai). Wow. What can you say about a rock star neurosurgeon particle physicist who travels through the 8th dimension in his pickup truck, unwittingly giving an exiled alien Hitler and his minions the chance to regain power, thus raising the ire of freedom loving alien forces who are prepared to destroy Earth in order to keep the peace?
It’s all a cult sci-fi flick of course, and good clean fun if you enjoy that sort of thing. Plus, you get to see John Lithgow giving himself a tongue tazering in a psychiatric ward (Lithgow is the Hitler figure). Buckaroo embodies intellect and bravery, and respect because he is looked up to by virtually everyone as a Renaissance man.
5. Egon. Actor Harold Ramis didn’t play the greatest of the Ghostbusters. No, that would have to be Bill Murray’s Peter Venkman. But Venkman is more befitting a dog’s name. I have to go with the geeky Egon for a baby boy. It’s not a made-up name either. It’s Germanic, meaning “edge of a sword.”
4. Boe. Sounds like a normal name, right? I’m referring to The Face of Boe. He’s a five-foot-tall head inside a glass jar who has lived for billions of years, from the world’s longest-running sci-fi TV series Doctor Who. Oh, and he’s wise and revered by all. I was surprised no sci-fi geeks submitted his name in my baby naming contest, but I kind of understand your plight. What Vincent shoes would a floating head wear? He’s not Mr. Potatohead. You can’t stick sneakers on scalp tendrils.
3. Mauve — Colors have been fair game for baby names for a while now. Mauve stands out in opening scene of the Doctor Who episode, “The Empty Child.” The Doctor and his companion are inside their ship chasing an unknown mauve-colored capsule through time and space.
Rose: What’s the emergency?
Doctor: It’s mauve.
Doctor: It’s the universally recognized color for danger.
Rose: What happened to red?
Doctor: That’s just humans. By everyone else’s standards, red’s camp. Oh, the misunderstandings! All those red alerts, all that dancing.
2. Vic is the boy from A Boy and His Dog, a film based upon a sci-fi short story by Harlan Ellison. In a post-apocalyptic vigilante world, a pre-Miami Vice Don Johnson is Vic, a loner who survives by scavenging for canned food with the assistance of Blood, an intelligent telepathic former police dog.
A big spoiler follows… At the film’s end, Vic is reunited with Blood after a long absence only to find that Blood is starving death. In the final scene the dog has been fed and will recuperate, but Vic’s new girlfriend is, uhh, absent. *cough* You have to imagine that you didn’t like the girlfriend and you really, really liked the dog. Me? Got a lump in my throat. So the name Vic represents loyalty and friendship.
1. O’Neill, as in Jack O’Neill, is the Air Force colonel in America’s longest run sci-fi TV series, Stargate SG1. Although he was an anti-intellectual and chief soldier in an elite interstellar combat team, he epitomizes irreverence, wit and the maxim of questioning authority.
Take this quote from when O’Neill was tied down and being tortured by aliens.
Her’ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O’Neill: (exasperated) You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard.