This post is so thought-provoking. I have a one year old, and I worry about behavior that I don’t even realize that I’m teaching her- like today I yelled at my dog, (my old, wonderful, had-her-before-I-married, jealous-of-the-baby-now dog) for something trivial. And I stopped and thought, “your child just heard you yell at a defenseless animal that solely depends on you for her care”. And it floored me that perhaps I made some kind of impression on my child that it is ok to yell at family (we do call the dog her sister- we’re that kind of crazy…) for trivial things.

Then I ran across this post, and it really, really made me think. Thank you, and please keep up the writing.

I read your blog, when ever I get a chance. I am a mother of a 3 year old boy, but placed in a very different social, geographical and economical setup than most of the readers who comment here. I find a lot of difference, some good and some not so good in the way kids are raised in your and my country.

I belong to one of those countries where safety of human lives is not given as much importance as in yours. Majority of my country men/women deal with more basic struggles – for food, shelter and clothing. An average person here is busy providing for his/her family. Most of the issues raised in this blog wouldn’t even come any where near his/her worries. For us, as far as kids are concerned, education is the most important asset to be provided. Sadly, the education as viewed by most of us is, what is learnt from schools. Many don’t see it as a continuous process, absorbing from everywhere. Education is very often looked as a path to lift you to better financial status.

Having said that, I admit I see a lot of change now, especially in the urban population who are a lot better off, financially. But again, they try to mimic everything as in west, which again doesn’t fit always in our setup. If you were wondering, I am not from China, I am from India.

With this background, let me tell you my views on this post.
When we try to be ‘model parents’, ‘model human beings’ and all that is ideal, what we forget is that these kids will be exposed to the outer world sooner or later where they will have to face and learn to handle many things ‘not so ideal’. I agree kids emulate parents and others in family whom they dote on. It is extremely important that they showcase their best behavior in front of kids.

But it is also fine to show your real emotions because you need to also teach them not to suppress feelings and frustrations. The hope that you are referring to stems not only from the way parents teach/show to handle situations by saying/behaving ‘correctly’ always. I feel it is also important to show that we some times falter, but we should be ready to correct. We should show it is okay to have strong emotions, but the behavior stemming from that emotion should not be a destructive/disruptive one.

The point is not suppression but rational behavior. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy asserts that one’s emotional behavior stems from one’s belief system. It is the belief system that we need to inculcate in a child. A child should know to be kind and accommodative but should also know that there will always be people who are not so. Dealing with them may not be on the same level.

I know this got a bit too long. I hope you find it interesting.
I enjoy reading your views.

I realize every day that parenting is all about example. It would be so much easier if it were more “do as I say and not as I do”!