Comments on: Optimizing the Ratio of Toddler-to-Infant Activities in a Multi-Child Household http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html A dad's eye view of baby and toddler stuff Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:59:29 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: STL Mom http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html/comment-page-1#comment-3613 STL Mom Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:15:50 +0000 http://s54748.gridserver.com/baby/2007/10/optimizing-the-ratio-of-toddler-to-infant-activities-in-a-multi-child-household.html#comment-3613 <p>I think the key is flexibility. What works at one stage, for either child, may not work at another. For example, many newborns can be easily toted around to an older sibling's events. However, a toddler who needs to nap in her own bed at a specific time is a lot less portable. I limited my older child's events outside the home until my youngest was done napping. <br /> You also have to look ahead - if you let your oldest do three after-school activities, remember that will be six after-school activities a few years later. With a three- or four-year age gap, there won't be many activities that both your kids can do in the same place at the same time. <br /> Family activities are great in those times that your kids are getting along. When feelings of jealousy come up, that's the time to separate the kids and do more individual activites for a while.</p> I think the key is flexibility. What works at one stage, for either child, may not work at another. For example, many newborns can be easily toted around to an older sibling’s events. However, a toddler who needs to nap in her own bed at a specific time is a lot less portable. I limited my older child’s events outside the home until my youngest was done napping.
You also have to look ahead – if you let your oldest do three after-school activities, remember that will be six after-school activities a few years later. With a three- or four-year age gap, there won’t be many activities that both your kids can do in the same place at the same time.
Family activities are great in those times that your kids are getting along. When feelings of jealousy come up, that’s the time to separate the kids and do more individual activites for a while.

]]> By: Kate http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html/comment-page-1#comment-3612 Kate Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:49:39 +0000 http://s54748.gridserver.com/baby/2007/10/optimizing-the-ratio-of-toddler-to-infant-activities-in-a-multi-child-household.html#comment-3612 <p>Maybe I'm speaking as an older child myself, but here is my experience. </p> <p>We have two children, ages 3.5 and 14 months. The divide and conquer routine works well for us, as do family-oriented activities, but sometimes you have to let each kid get solo time with at least one of you -- doing something non-routine (grocery shopping and chores don't count). </p> <p>For example, at the beginning of fall, we all went apple picking. We brought the wagon and everyone had a ball. Then, later in fall, my younger son and my husband were taking a nap, and I decided to take my older son back to the orchard alone. He had a great time, unencumbered by his brother's slower pace and the constant need to accommodate the wagon. </p> <p>Since my older son is now dropping his naps altogether, this provides us a good chance to bond. We usually do something special together at the beginning of his brother's nap, either cooking part of dinner, playing a game, or making an art project... and then he goes off and plays on his own.</p> <p>My younger son gets plenty of one-on-one attention, because his brother is so self-sufficient and because he spends time in preschool (only six hours per week). I think it's been more important to show my older son that he hasn't been pushed aside for the baby than it has been to show my baby that he's important too. And the special times my husband and I have spent with my older son definitely help prevent the acting out that comes from feeling the baby squeeze.</p> <p>We're not perfect, either. I just wanted to point out that your daughter may feel a bit out-of-center after the baby comes, and to remember that she's used to lots of personalized attention from you, and helping you with the baby will only provide so much of that.</p> Maybe I’m speaking as an older child myself, but here is my experience.

We have two children, ages 3.5 and 14 months. The divide and conquer routine works well for us, as do family-oriented activities, but sometimes you have to let each kid get solo time with at least one of you — doing something non-routine (grocery shopping and chores don’t count).

For example, at the beginning of fall, we all went apple picking. We brought the wagon and everyone had a ball. Then, later in fall, my younger son and my husband were taking a nap, and I decided to take my older son back to the orchard alone. He had a great time, unencumbered by his brother’s slower pace and the constant need to accommodate the wagon.

Since my older son is now dropping his naps altogether, this provides us a good chance to bond. We usually do something special together at the beginning of his brother’s nap, either cooking part of dinner, playing a game, or making an art project… and then he goes off and plays on his own.

My younger son gets plenty of one-on-one attention, because his brother is so self-sufficient and because he spends time in preschool (only six hours per week). I think it’s been more important to show my older son that he hasn’t been pushed aside for the baby than it has been to show my baby that he’s important too. And the special times my husband and I have spent with my older son definitely help prevent the acting out that comes from feeling the baby squeeze.

We’re not perfect, either. I just wanted to point out that your daughter may feel a bit out-of-center after the baby comes, and to remember that she’s used to lots of personalized attention from you, and helping you with the baby will only provide so much of that.

]]> By: Chief Family Officer http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html/comment-page-1#comment-3611 Chief Family Officer Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:03:38 +0000 http://s54748.gridserver.com/baby/2007/10/optimizing-the-ratio-of-toddler-to-infant-activities-in-a-multi-child-household.html#comment-3611 <p>I admit, there have been times when I've felt that Tyler is getting the short end of the stick - our schedule revolves almost entirely around Alex, such that Tyler has never had much of a routine. We manage to make sure that he eats regularly, but his naps are always all over the place.</p> <p>The hardest thing for me was at the beginning, when Alex spent most of his time with his dad, while I cared for the baby (mostly nursing). It was really the opposite of when Alex was born, when pretty much any time that I wasn't nursing, I handed him off to my husband. Because Alex spent so much time with his dad, he naturally began preferring Daddy all the time and telling me to go away, crying if I was the one taking care of him, etc. Even now he still prefers Daddy sometimes. It was heartbreaking for me, still is occasionally, though thankfully it happens a lot less now that I spend a lot more time with him (Tyler's 10 months old).</p> <p>We do a lot as a family on weekends. The more both parents are around, the easier it is. I know that's obvious, but I have friends with 2 kids under 3 who do most of the parenting b/c their husbands work long hours and it's HARD for them.</p> <p>I've come to think that it's impossible to compare our sons' infanthoods. I'm not doing nearly as much mommy-and-me stuff as I did with Alex, but Tyler always has Alex around and is definitely very interested in his older brother. I've thought sometimes that it would have been a lot easier in some ways to have them farther apart (Alex is 21 months older) but I think that once we get through these first couple of years, it'll be wonderful that they're so close in age (I hope, anyway).</p> <p>BTW, if you're like me, you'll be surprised at how much you've forgotten. On the other hand, all the things that stressed you out the first time around are a lot easier this time!</p> I admit, there have been times when I’ve felt that Tyler is getting the short end of the stick – our schedule revolves almost entirely around Alex, such that Tyler has never had much of a routine. We manage to make sure that he eats regularly, but his naps are always all over the place.

The hardest thing for me was at the beginning, when Alex spent most of his time with his dad, while I cared for the baby (mostly nursing). It was really the opposite of when Alex was born, when pretty much any time that I wasn’t nursing, I handed him off to my husband. Because Alex spent so much time with his dad, he naturally began preferring Daddy all the time and telling me to go away, crying if I was the one taking care of him, etc. Even now he still prefers Daddy sometimes. It was heartbreaking for me, still is occasionally, though thankfully it happens a lot less now that I spend a lot more time with him (Tyler’s 10 months old).

We do a lot as a family on weekends. The more both parents are around, the easier it is. I know that’s obvious, but I have friends with 2 kids under 3 who do most of the parenting b/c their husbands work long hours and it’s HARD for them.

I’ve come to think that it’s impossible to compare our sons’ infanthoods. I’m not doing nearly as much mommy-and-me stuff as I did with Alex, but Tyler always has Alex around and is definitely very interested in his older brother. I’ve thought sometimes that it would have been a lot easier in some ways to have them farther apart (Alex is 21 months older) but I think that once we get through these first couple of years, it’ll be wonderful that they’re so close in age (I hope, anyway).

BTW, if you’re like me, you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve forgotten. On the other hand, all the things that stressed you out the first time around are a lot easier this time!

]]> By: Tracie http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html/comment-page-1#comment-3610 Tracie Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:28:56 +0000 http://s54748.gridserver.com/baby/2007/10/optimizing-the-ratio-of-toddler-to-infant-activities-in-a-multi-child-household.html#comment-3610 <p>I know we spent more individual time with our first child, but I don't think we neglect our second. We just don't spend as much time doing pat-a-cake, pointing and labeling things, etc. He hears us reading to his sister, singing songs with her, playing pretend games, etc. You just do the best you can!</p> I know we spent more individual time with our first child, but I don’t think we neglect our second. We just don’t spend as much time doing pat-a-cake, pointing and labeling things, etc. He hears us reading to his sister, singing songs with her, playing pretend games, etc. You just do the best you can!

]]> By: thordora http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2007/10/multiplekids.html/comment-page-1#comment-3609 thordora Tue, 23 Oct 2007 12:44:52 +0000 http://s54748.gridserver.com/baby/2007/10/optimizing-the-ratio-of-toddler-to-infant-activities-in-a-multi-child-household.html#comment-3609 <p>We did (do) a lot of kid trade offs-especially when we first brought my second born home. Our oldest was only 19 months, so it was a bit of a change for her-luckily we had prepared her a fair bit, and she was ready for it.</p> <p>Now, they're so close that they usually want to go places together-my older daughter teachers her sister things, as well as my youngest showing her things as well.</p> <p>It's not the same as having 1-there just isn't the same amount of time, but you aren't as distracted by the newness either. We encourage the sibling relationship, while making one on one time for each. It's been working.</p> <p>Sometimes i wish that we would have had a bit more time between children since the first few months were rough, but now, it rocks they get along so well. (most of the time) :)</p> We did (do) a lot of kid trade offs-especially when we first brought my second born home. Our oldest was only 19 months, so it was a bit of a change for her-luckily we had prepared her a fair bit, and she was ready for it.

Now, they’re so close that they usually want to go places together-my older daughter teachers her sister things, as well as my youngest showing her things as well.

It’s not the same as having 1-there just isn’t the same amount of time, but you aren’t as distracted by the newness either. We encourage the sibling relationship, while making one on one time for each. It’s been working.

Sometimes i wish that we would have had a bit more time between children since the first few months were rough, but now, it rocks they get along so well. (most of the time) :)

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