Thingamababy

1. Christmas Tree — You may ask yourself, why a Christmas tree? Well, given that you bought
your Halloween costumes in stores back in June, by the time October
rolls around aren’t you ready for Christmas?

This tree lacks tapered branches, making your baby’s six arms look like tentacles or tendrils.

When compiling this article I noticed that many baby faces are photoshopped into these monstrous costumes. Hmm, I wonder why.

2. Jack-in-the-Box — Babies love being enclosed in boxes. The sound you hear when you crank the handle might not be music.

3. Peanut — This costume is truly scary for parents of kids with allergies. (The kids themselves are oblivious.) Slather peanut butter on his lips for extra effect. You can tell that kid is ready to mouth everything in sight.

4. Baby Woopie Cushion — Your future teenager will never forgive you.

5. Pizza Slice — Seven other babies in your playgroup need to wear this costume, too.

6. Banana — This baby will be the first to go when the space monkeys land.

(Sorry, only my daughter will get that joke.)

7. Hot Dog — For boys only?

8. Ketchup and Mustard — Little squirts. Hey, look, Ketchup is Hot Dog Boy, and Mustard is Banana Girl with her face flipped.

It’s been ages since I’ve seen condiment dispensers shaped like this. I know you can buy them, but what restaurants still use them?

9. Car Freshener — If only this costume actually smelled like pine so it could counter a baby’s not-so-fresh moments.

10. Money Bag — When other parents smile at your child’s costume, tell them your baby represents the nine billion taxpayer dollars that went missing in Iraq. Then ask if their kids have health insurance, laugh and walk away.

11. Zorro — Four problems. One, where’s Zorro’s signature Andalusian hat?  Two, where’s the razor-sharp sword? Three, no offense to Antonio Banderas, but where’s the mustache? Four, if your baby refuses to wear the eye wrap, he becomes a leather-clad biker.

12. Astronaut — It’s a spermonaut! Don’t ask what the space ship looks like.

The NASA-style shirt patch appears to spell NAPS. Awww, how cute. Sorry, not cute enough. It’s still a sperm costume.

Coming next: embarrassing toddler costumes!

See previously:

• How we made a toddler robot costume
• Real dads wear clown costumes
• Baby costumes by Tom Arma

See also:

1. Demented infant costumes: Octobaby and Carriage Critter
2. Bloody Bonnets: worst infant costume, or coolest hardcore baby gore?
3. Twelve unfortunate toddler Halloween costumes
4. Three maternity costumes to buy (or make at home)
5. Twelve embarassing Halloween baby costumes

Friday, October 5th, 2007Holidays