Twelve Unfortunate Toddler Halloween Costumes

We did a baby costume roundup first; now it’s time for toddlers.

Photo of two kids in full body costumes featuring pig heads. A black and white photo is in the background the the movie European Vacation featuring a family of four wearing similar, but not identical pig costumes.

Pig — Buy one of these for each kid in the family and you’re halfway to recreating Pig in a Poke, the game show that sent the Griswolds on their European Vacation.

Photos of toddlers in two costumes. On the left is a multicolored horse piñata costume. On the right is a Flintstones Bamm Bamm costume with the child wielding a wooden bat.

Viva Piñata Horse — That’s the kid on the left, wearing a piñata costume. On the right is Bamm-Bamm from the Flintstones carrying a nice big faux wooden bat. What is stranger, a child dressed as a piñata, or a girl dressed as Bamm-Bamm?

Photo of a boy wearing a white lab coat and doctor's mask with what looks like blood spatters. One hand is holding a huge syringe while the other is clenched maniacally.

Dr. Kill Joy —
This wonderful costume helps convey to your 3- or 4-year-old that doctors should rightly be feared. How better to depict a doctor than
with a blood-stained lab coat and mask, and a jumbo syringe?

Photo of a child wearing a black vest, a shielded helmet labeled SWAT and wielding a nightstick. Also shown is a separately sold swat accessory belt.

Infant Economy SWAT Team — Forget cops and robbers. Kids these days play cops and constitutionalists. One side shouts and carries signs. The other side beats anyone who steps outside the free speech quarantine zone. This costume is labeled “economy” because it doesn’t come with the pictured night stick, nor pepper spray, tear gas, riot shield, Taser or beanbag gun. You can however buy a SWAT accessory belt containing handcuffs, a nightstick, a police radio, a flashlight and a pistol.

The costume starts at 2T, but Aeromax makes a 3T Junior SWAT version complete with a baton weapon.

Photo of a child with wild hair wearing a costume that makes him appear to have a bare muscular torso, with a camouflage-colored bandanna around his head and camouflage pants.

Jungle Fighter — Does your 2- to 4-year-old want to look like Sylvester Stallone in the Rambo films or Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator? Why choose? This costume has elements of both heroes!

Hey, I’m talking to you, the bad parent who didn’t flinch at the word hero. It’s because of you that I fear for the survival of our species.

A toddler wearing a shiny pinkish purple outfit labeled with an American Idol patch while she holds a microphone labeled American Idol. A participant number is attached to her garment, labeled 00001 with an American Idol logo.

Future American Idol — How can I crack a joke about this one without offending most of my readers, and a few of my daughter’s friends’ parents? I’m talking about parents who watch American Idol with their toddlers. Hmm, maybe a Bible verse. Jesus wept.

Photo of a child drapped in a white sheet that has a smiley face drawn in the face area. The child is also holding an included pumpkin-shaped trick-or-treat fabric bag.

Friendly Ghost Child — We’re pushing the definition of toddler here with a costume that starts at 4T. I just have one question. How inept does a parent have to be to pay $16 plus shipping for this ghost costume when you could go to K-Mart and buy a flat sheet, fitted sheet and two pillow cases for $8?

Use your kid’s markers to draw a smiley face on the flat sheet. You could screw it up and still use the fitted sheet. You could screw that up too, and still use a pillow case. As a last resort, you could hand the second pillow case to your kid and have him draw the smiley face.

Photo of a child wearing a white ghost costume that has an oddly shaped head. The child looks out through black mesh that represents the ghost's mouth.

Ghost Child — This costume is for sizes 7 through 10. I just wanted you to know that parenting will suck every last ounce of imagination from your brain, leaving you a hollow husk of your former self by your child’s seventh birthday.

Photo of a toddler wearing baggy patched pants, an oversized black jacket with two yellow flowers on its lapel, and a jumbo hat with a giant yellow sunflower on it. The child is smiling and almost looks ready to dance.

Happy Hobo — Remember the old days when being homeless was nonstop fun? You just felt like tapping your toes wherever you went.

Photo of a baby standing while wearing a showgirl outfit including an elaborate hat.

Showgirl — It’s the perfect outfit if your neighbors give out money instead of candy.

Oh, OK, showgirls are not strippers. They just dance on a stage wearing elaborate costumes that showcase their semi-clothed bodies. It’s still not number one on my list of costumes for dress-up play.

Photo of a child wearing a baby blue jumpsuit with shiny silver accents and a black afro wig.

Lil Disco Toddler —
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I’ve been kicked around since I was born.
And now it’s all right – it’s O.K. –
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
the New York Times’ effect on man.
Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother,
You’re stayin alive, stayin’ alive.

See also:

  1. Demented infant costumes: Octobaby and Carriage Critter
  2. Bloody Bonnets: worst infant costume, or coolest hardcore baby gore?
  3. Twelve unfortunate toddler Halloween costumes
  4. Three maternity costumes to buy (or make at home)
  5. Twelve embarrassing Halloween baby costumes

Comments

4 Responses to “Twelve Unfortunate Toddler Halloween Costumes”

  1. Kaz says:

    I think if you combined that Dr. Kill Joy one with come plastic doll parts, you’d have a great Beatles’ “butcher cover” costume…

    October 9th, 2007 at 9:11 am

  2. Beckster says:

    Your post is as hilarious as these costumes are sad!

    I found some great ideas for costumes (and other Halloween tips for parents) that weren’t…um…”inappropriate” here: http://www.nymetroparents.com/halloween.cfm

    October 10th, 2007 at 5:02 am

  3. rachel says:

    I think there cute for them.

    October 18th, 2007 at 4:10 pm

  4. tripletsnthree says:

    too funny!! Thanks for the giggle.

    October 3rd, 2008 at 7:25 pm