Comments on: About our Decision to have a Second Child

By: AJ

AJ — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:31:30 +0000

Regarding Ann, I've had several e-mail exchanges with her. Complicating her situation is her feeling that when she had her child she gave up a successful career that was about to really take off, and that due to various real issues, time is/was of the essence. Her career situation is a separate issue though.

I'm not a psychologist, but my impression is that she is depressed and I recommended that she and her husband seek therapy. Having had a wife who suffered from postpartum depression, I feel most of what I say goes in one ear and out the other, at least in coming from some strange dad over e-mail.

Ann can't be happy with her situation until she decides to be happy, and that won't come about with an abortion or giving birth. She has issues to work out. When she achieves normalcy in her life, I hope she hasn't already made a decision she regrets.

By: Vicky

Vicky — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 04:07:06 +0000

Dear Ann:

I hope you rethink the option to terminate your pregnancy. Why does your first child get to live but it is okay for YOUR second child to die? Abortion is not a form of birth control. If you feel that strongly about not having another child then by all means feel free to put YOUR second child up for adoption. It is one thing to go through the agonizing decision to terminate a pregnancy due to medical reasons; it is another to decide to terminate because of irresponsible actions. God has blessed you with this second child and if you do not want to accept this blessing then please allow another family to love and be loved by this child.....

By: Stacy

Stacy — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 21:17:14 +0000

To Ann,
Please think long and hard about your decision to terminate this pregnancy. I am a pro-life person but do my best to not overstep my boundaries with others because they don’t believe the way I do. I have a sister that had an abortion many many years ago and she has regretted it everyday of her life. She was still blessed with two beautiful children later in life, but she can’t help but think of what that other child could have been. Now that your child is conceived, it is a living being. I am not trying to be harsh, but often times we adults only think of ourselves and can be very selfish (me included). This is no longer just about you….someone else is there and now is not the time to be selfish. Please consider adoption and let this child bring joy to some family. What a precious gift you can offer to someone else. I will keep you in my prayers as you think about your decision.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 19:14:01 +0000

Hi Ann, It is a big decision to have a second child. Have you thought of Adoption for your second child that you are caring? What great joy your little baby could bring to a couple that can’t have children. Maybe one day you could meet that child. I know people that have had an abortion many many years ago and still to this day regreat it. Just a thought for you. I was adopted due to a date rape and now I know my birth parents and have a huge family adopted and birth. I wish you the best decision. Heather

By: ann

ann — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 21:00:16 +0000

I do think it’s great you both feel so strongly about having this second baby. NOT ALL OF US feel like you do.. and I am in a situation very similar to yours but I don’t want to have another baby and already 7 weeks along. I appreciate your comments and feelings but YOU ARE A MAN and cannot even begin to fathom the gravity of a woman’s perspective. I feel, unlike my husband.. the reality of ours.. financially, emotionally, spiritually I AM NOT READY for this and it frightens me that I am feeling this way. I have been told it’s normal and with the help of my friends.. they ALL agree it is not the right time.. I love being a mother to my two year old daughter and that is ALL I can handle at the moment. It’s HARD no matter what but a HAPPY MOM IS A BETTER MOM so I am thinking of terminating this pregnancy.. After all, it’s really a woman’s right to her own destiny and future..

By: Jessica G

Jessica G — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:22:00 +0000

Similar story here. I have the wonderful talent of developing hypertension during the 3rd trimester and also had bedrest with my first. I had awful ppd with my first too – I would not wish it on my worst enemies. Then she was colicky to add to the fun (for six months). I was in therapy and on meds. We were convinced that one was enough. Then something happened and we just knew that our little monster had a sibling out there. It is that want that can’t be quantified. Husband always wanted a house full of wacky girls — he got it! The big sis is in love with the little sis and all is well for now. No ppd, but definitely more aware of what to look for. Not bad for someone who thought she NEVER wanted kids!

By: AZ

AZ — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 18:56:52 +0000

First of all, congratulations to all (soon to be 4)of you! We waffled a lot about having a second baby when our first was almost four, thought we were done and then “surprise” along came #2, 6 years later. It is amazing! I am loving being a mom to a baby all over again-its different the 2nd time around, and I think a “big” gap can be a really good thing. Your “Little Miss” will have had the experience and attention of an only child and also get to experience the joys of a sibling.
Enjoy!

By: brettdl

brettdl — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:26:54 +0000

I remember you writing about only planning to have one. Two is definitely more fun.

Congratulations!

By: thordora

thordora — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 23:42:48 +0000

Both of our daughters are accidents, and I suffered PPD after the second which turned out to be undiagnosed bipolar. (I won't bore you with those details)

Line up resources for the post partum period so she can enjoy the baby as a baby. I wish I would have. I know I would have wanted a second if we hadn't of gotten pregnant, but my reasons are stupid-my mother died when I was young, and with two I had insurance in case one of them died, and they'd always have each other in case I died.

Terrible I know.

But the sister bond I see today between my almost 4 year old and 2.5 year old is incredible and rocks. It's worth it.

By: Angie at Baby Cheapskate

Angie at Baby Cheapskate — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 19:07:10 +0000

Hooray for you! Awesome conception kit review, too. I know lots of couples will find your thoughts helpful. And hey, now you’ll be twice as inspired to keep coming up with great Thingamababy posts!