Friday, July 27th, 2007
Baby Trophies: Immortalize Your Crowning Achievement
Newborns receive a lot of gifts, but what about awards? Recognize the feat of stuffing oneself through a 10 centimeter hole against one’s will while under great duress.
BabyTrophy.com sells a 4"x3"x1" faux marble trophy base adorned with a gold-colored crawling baby and a plate inscribed with your child’s name, date and time of birth, and birth measurements.
It is described as "a wonderful keepsake," and "a unique gift" to proudly display in your office, home or child’s room.
Meanwhile, BabysFirstTrophy.com sells a similar product to "commemorate that very memorable occasion of birth, baptism or christening." But in the interest of maximum reach, baby trophies are also great ways to "celebrate an 18th birthday, a 21st birthday, or any occasion!"
Skeptics will enjoy the perspective of Trophies2Go.com which sells a similar trophy with a slightly different sales pitch: "The ‘Cry Baby’ trophy makes a great gag gift for the person who ‘whines’ or ‘complains’ non-stop, especially for that ‘cry baby’ of a loser!"
Investigating further, I found that the Dinn Bros. trophy company classifies its two baby toppers as appropriate for pageant trophies. But more importantly, you can configure your own custom trophy online.
Forget "my kid is an honor student" bumper stickers. Display a giant trophy in your home. Hold all of your playgroup gatherings at your home and rub your child’s excellence in everyone else’s faces.
The big question is, how would you inscribe such a bad ass trophy?
First place, 50 meter crawl.
World Class Napper.
Longest Undiapered Arc of Pee.
Fastest Letdown in the West.
Any other ideas?
Incidentally, my wife, who is a labor and delivery nurse, tells mothers who have been enduring a long birth experience, "Labor is not a race, and everyone gets a prize at the end."