But a lingering thought nags at me, that the product still has a degree of absurdity. Here’s why. The idea of a tracking bracelet is the least obvious solution. Isn’t it easier and less expensive to track feedings using an ordinary pen and paper log? Use a small booklet that fits in your back pocket. It’s simpler than adjusting beads at every feeding — and leaves no question because you might doubt yourself as to whether you remembered to adjust the beads at the last feeding.

More importantly, with a paper log you could take notes about the feedings. For example, if the baby seems to be feeding too little or too much, you could log the number of minutes of each feeding and make other notes, then consult a lactation consultant, pediatrician, etc. I guarantee that a doctor would appreciate seeing a comprehensive written record of events. You might also note special moments and thoughts about your baby, things you would cherish recalling years later.

But as with every product I have parodied, there are consumers who genuinely want or need these products. Some mother must have invented the bracelet, so I accept there are mothers who will value it. You’re free to say, “Haha, very funny, but I’m buying one.” If my critique-for-yucks helped you find a useful-for-you product, then I’m happy.

This is why I co-sleep! I don’t even have to go to another room to get my sleeping children to save them from unethical corporate ninja attacks!!