Friday, December 1st, 2006
Three Unusual Baby and Toddler Products
1. High Leg by LITAF is a leg extender for a chair so that “your child can sit at the dining tableâ€”just like you.” Translation: Being small in a big person’s world can give you an inferiority complex. If you cannot eat eye-to-eye across a dinner table, you’re half as good as those with whom you rub elbows. All you short parents reading this know what I mean.
2. The Nursing Bracelet by Unique Mums tackles the vexing problem of nursing mothers who cannot remember when they last fed their baby or which breast they used. It acts as a nursing log. You move a tab between numbers on the bracelet to denote the time. You alternate which wrist the bracelet is worn on to indicate which boob is empty.
My wife’s reaction: “My left boob is hard as a rock and leaking, but maybe I should check my nursing log.” (It helps if you can hear the tone in her voice.)
My reaction: “If you can’t remember when you last nursed your baby, I’d like to sell you a Thingamababy Baby Clapper. Snap it around your infant’s ankle, then when you lose your kid, clap twice to activate a beacon alarm.”
Clever Coverz is a mattress cover and quilt in one unit. Slip it over the corners of the mattress, unzip the side, let your kid slide inside, then zip up.Â Basically, it’s a bed-sized sleeping bag. On laundry day, toss the whole thing in the washer.
I oppose this product because it is produced by The Ninja Corporation. If that’s not a warning sign, I don’t know what is. Zippering up your child in bed prevents a quick exit when ninjas attack. TheÂ ninja apocalypse is real, people. It’s coming, so be prepared.
Feel free to post a comment telling me that the bracelet saved your baby and breasts, that your toddler is more confident and intelligent being perched high at the dinner table and that the ninja code of ethics prevents ninjas from attacking sleeping children. The first two points are fine, but please remember we’re talking about corporate ninjas.
Think long and hard about that, please.
See also: Three Unusual Baby and Toddler Products:
- Volume 1: High Leg chair extender, nursing bracelet, Clever Coverz.
- Volume 2: PlatePal, Mama Snot Pluck, Tubsider parent seat.
- Volume 3: The Zoo animal storage, Sneeze Sleeve, The Potty Song.
- Volume 4: Yellow pages booster seat, My First Zamboni, Solar System Travel Bag.
- Volume 5 Japanese edition: shampoo hat, nursing bottle scissors, Pooh bedpan.
- Volume 6: Doll playground, baby cologne, foam receiving blanket.
- Volume 7: Horse chariot, leather-like baby gear, Babywunder Deluxe.
- Volume 8: Fropper, safety tattoos, Snow Bear sled.
- Volume 9: Birthday Suit Bear, Wooden Train Chandelier, Pink Lego Bucket.