Soothe-along: the Dick Tracy Wrist Pacifier

Soothe-along by Imaginfinity is so simple. It’s a wristband pacifier, secured with what looks to be a flexible band and Velcro. It doesn’t dangle from the arm. A baby must hold his wrist up to his face to suck.

Marketing photo of the Soothe-along wrist pacifier on a baby's wrist.
As with any groundbreaking innovation, this invention must withstand the tough scrutiny of interrogation. I have but one question for the inventor: why?

There are many benefits touted on the manufacturer’s web site:

  1. Prevents dropped and lost pacifiers.

OK, that’s the only point that swayed me. We used a MAM Pacifier Keeper, a clipped tether, to keep track of regular pacifiers.

I disagree with the inventor’s other major claim, "Less pacifier use as babies control the pacifier." Stop for a minute and remember pacifiers should be declared addictive and be subject to regulation by the Food and Drug Administration. If you give your baby the power to self-soothe, won’t the pacifier be in his mouth all the time?

I know what you’re thinking. Holding your wrist to your mouth for more than a couple minutes is a tiring prospect. The problem is, all you get is muscle strain. You won’t be raising a baby with big beefy biceps.

Here’s a better idea. First, reengineer the Soothe-along so that it sits in a clear protective case. As a baby swings his arm and explores the world, the pacifier will stay clean.

Second, position an attached air-filled ball in the baby’s hand which the baby must squeeze to open—and keep open—the pacifier case. Thus, sucking the pacifier becomes a form of isometric exercise, promoting muscle growth.

Stronger arms mean faster, more agile crawling. In a marketing brochure, depict this baby climbing a baby pyramid, surpassing all toddlers on a milestone chart.

And if you are a left-handed parent, always position the ball in the baby’s left hand in an attempt to indoctrinate your child.

I know, I know, some smart aleck is still rankled by my "self-soothe" comment six paragraphs back. You are just itching to write a blog comment pointing out babies are born with the ability to self-soothe, that babies are born with fingers! Shhhh! That won’t help me attract venture capital for *my* new invention, pacifier mittens.

Photo of a Dick Tract lunch box featuring Dick Tracy talking into his wrist communicator

Footnote: the Dick Tracy connection was purely in my head.

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