Monday, June 26th, 2006
Why? Why? Why? Philips Dial-Up Baby Monitor
The Philips Dial-Up Baby Monitor has a special trait. Most monitors function at great distances, say hundreds of feet, and alert you with the sound of your baby’s cries and have a back-up light indicator. Philips has all that and more.
1) The monitor calls your cell phone when Junior cries. You pre-program the unit with up to five numbers and select the one you will be using. Then you are free to be "in the garden, at the neighbor’s or busy in a far corner of your home."
That’s right, you can visit next door, leaving your baby home alone. You live in a safe neighborhood and lock your windows and doors, right? Your burglar alarm company can alert police that your house is being burgled AND there is an unattended baby at home, right? No worries.
Why, now that you can go anywhere in the world and still hear your baby cry, what’s to stop you from taking a quick trip to the grocery store, dying in a car crash and deserting your baby? Isn’t liberty grand?
2) When you receive the phone call, you aren’t just listening. You can speak back to your baby and have your voice delivered over the monitor’s speaker. This buys you extra time to knock back one more brewsky with the guys at Hooters.
3) The monitor will auto re-dial your phone number when your line is busy and keep at it until you finish your more important conversation. Explain in a calm voice to the child welfare investigator that you DO have call waiting.
Oh, but seriouslyâ€¦ Who needs a monitor like this one?
1) Mansion dwellers. With 10,000 square feet and 10 brick walls between you and Junior, telephone access is the only answer. Or a nanny.
2) A working parent. Mom calls from the office to talk with her baby and still feel connected to the family. It’s not like a stay-at-home-Dad is capable of bringing the baby into the same room as the speaker phone. Seriously. Most phones have a speaker function. Buy one.
3) Hearing-impaired parents. Deaf parents are already served by the sound intensity lights on regular monitors. Now they can put their cell phones in vibrate mode, although I suppose their cell phones don’t have lights to indicate how loud the baby is crying. Wait. Do deaf people use cell phones?
Oh, OK. You have your cell phone hooked up to a portable TTY unit (TTY = Telephone TYpewriter). Now maybe Philips will invent a TTY-to-speech adapter for the baby monitor so your baby can hear you speak. I mean, hear a synthetic computer voice speak.
Alas, here’s a bombshell. I’m sorry to inform my predominantly Yankee audience that the Philips Dial-Up Baby Monitor seems to be sold only in Europe at the moment.