Top 15 Playmobil Toys of Yesteryear

Note: Playmobil has redesigned its web site, fouling up all of the links on this page.  I’ll be updating the links this week (June 2007). Sorry for the disturbance.

Some FARKers who read the Top Ten Playmobil Oddities post were crestfallen when their favorite playthings were omitted. Allow me to correct the toyological record…

Playmobil has produced many fantastic and fantastically weird toys since this German company began producing plastic figure play sets in 1974.

The following toys have been discontinued, but who knows—maybe they will be revised and revived in the future. These images and links are from and to Collectobil.com, an unofficial Playmobil fan web site which has documented 725 products—a mere third of Playmobil’s vast past offerings.

Meter Maid thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

15) Meter Maid—Let’s play Parking Enforcement! You parked in a 10 minute zone and I have to write you a ticket. I was back in 5 minutes! No you weren’t! Yes I was! No you weren’t! Yes I was!

Security Check-in thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

14) Security Check-in—Recreate the fun of having your underwear X-rayed and your nibbly bits probed in front of strangers at the airport.

[This and a couple other toys are listed as current by Collectobil, but are not listed as offerings on Playmobil's official web site.]

Park Police thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

13) Park Police—This park ranger comes with a horse, five knives, one rifle and four rabbits. Three words: bareback bunny killer.

Camper thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

12) Camper—This recreational vehicle set includes a road hazard triangle sign for when your RV breaks down in the middle of the road.

Fisherman thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

11) Fisherman—Relive the excitement of a lazy day staring at water. Nothing tops the playtime value of fishing except the thrill of pretend golfing or sitting at a bus stop.

Cat Feeding Time thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

10) Cat Feeding Time—Oh those clever Playmobil marketers. They only give you five plastic felines. You need to buy at least a half dozen sets to play ‘obsessive-compulsive cat hoarder.’

Policeman and Tramp thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

9) Policeman and Tramp—Transport your child back to late 19th century Germany. Order your sword-wielding spiked-helmet-wearing police officer to rouse a homeless man who is sleeping on a park bench after a night of boozing (bottle included). Make him pick up his hobo knapsack and move along. In a few decades, ‘undesirables’ will be rounded up as the Nazis take power. Oh, but stick a flower in the hobo’s hat and we can all smile at this charming toy.

Children and Swings thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

8) Children and Swings—Why risk skin cancer? Bring the playground inside. Yep.

Saxophonist thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

7) Saxophonist—Who plays with a toy saxophonist? A kid practicing the saxophone or a kid lamenting the fact Mom and Dad spent a few bucks on a plastic figurine instead of hundreds of dollars on music lessons?

Policemen thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

6) Policemen—I joked about a paddy wagon, but here we see four motorcycle cops and three police officers with riot shields and handcuffs. My wife’s reaction: “That’s a toy?”

Highway Robber thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

5) Highway Robber—This 16th century mobster wouldn’t stand up to a 20th century carjacker. Hey Playmobil, when can we buy a toy carjacker?

Devil Gnome thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

4) Devil Gnome—Selling Satan as a plaything is over-the-top. What to do… What to do… Let’s make him a gnome! Yeah, give him a red cape, horned helmet and holding a pitch fork. Kids love gnomes!

Axe Man thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

3) Axe Man—This hooded man waving a hefty axe is unmistakably an executioner. His hood lifts to reveal his smiling face. Oh, the evil just radiates from this one.

Cave man thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

2) Cave man—Playmobil toys are rated for 4-year-olds and up, but let’s be real. What better toy is there for a babbling 12-month-old than a cave man? They both grunt, lumber about, and drag things around by the hair.

Isolation Island thumbnail. Click for an enlarged complete image in a pop-up window.

1) Isolation Island—When your parents buy you this lonely man stuck on a patch of sand in the middle of the ocean with nothing to his name except a palm tree and a message in a bottle… Playmobil marketers know you will plead with Mom and Dad to buy you a Castaway’s Raft so you can escape. Except the Castaway’s Raft comes with a shark. There is no kid in the world who would let that shark go hungry.

Comments

3 Responses to “Top 15 Playmobil Toys of Yesteryear”

  1. Mr. Stinkhead says:

    Nice article, but you missed all the ones that deal with mind altering substances.
    There was the McDonalds Happy Meal promotion that was a native american with a peace pipe. The gigantic keg of beer, (complete with frothy beers) the saloon with call girl, etc…

    I have pics here
    http://www.millionaireplayboy.com/toys/playmocollect.php

    June 6th, 2006 at 11:44 am

  2. AJ says:

    Millionaire Playboy is my new favorite web site for toys I’ll probably never let my daughter touch.

    Godzilla Crumple Zone Playset? I want!
    http://www.millionaireplayboy.com/toys/godzillacrumple.php

    June 6th, 2006 at 12:09 pm

  3. Steve says:

    “In a few decades, ‘undesirables’ will be rounded up as the Nazis take power.”

    I’ve read this sentence over and over, trying to understand your point, and I still don’t get it. How is this in any way relevant?

    December 20th, 2007 at 8:26 am