Ten Things I Couldn’t Do Before I Became a Dad

10. Breastfeed plush stuffed animals on demand. And I do mean demand.

9. Be cool with my wife exposing her breast in public.

8. Change a diaper, let alone change, wash and dry them in my sleep.

7. Bathe someone else, let alone a screaming someone else.

6. Babysit another parent’s child, let alone a toddler with numerous contact allergies.

5. Recognize the transformation American public life has made in its orientation toward adults, and be worried that society is making kids grow up fast without learning the corresponding value of responsibility. Sorry to be so heavy, but there you have it.

4. Perform the Itsy Bitsy Spider.

3. Pretend going potty is the most exciting activity in human existence.

2. Publicly display goofy expressions of emotion.

1. Maintain my dignity while dancing around the house wearing fairy wings.


"Where do you start, where do you start to describe to someone who’s looking at your life, how your life is the same and how it is different? My name and my phone number is the same, but otherwise it’s all different. From the rhythms of your day, to how much sleep you get, what clothes you wear, right down to your shoe size, it’s all different." –A mother in the documentary Baby I’m Yours.

Also see:
How fatherhood changes men (excellent points)


One Response to “Ten Things I Couldn’t Do Before I Became a Dad”

  1. thordora says:

    I think stuff like #5 is the worst. Sometimes I hate having to think of that stuff.

    April 10th, 2006 at 5:12 am

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